Saturday, 17 December 2011

embarassed.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Warghhh! I felt so embarassed when I asked one of my friends who is superb in English. She helped me to correct grammar in my latest poem and it turned out to be ELEVEN grammatical error!! What can I say, my English is soo bad. Huhuhu. But never mind, I have to keep writing in English so then, I can improve it, right?

I have corrected the grammar in my latest poem but not yet in the video. I don't know how people react when they watch the video..-__-" They must be like, "Too many grammar error, CAN'T WATCH!" ;O

Uh-oh!

I'm so sorry for my grammar. Yup, I am weak at it. InsyaAllah I'll try to improve it. If you notice any grammar mistake in my blog, please correct it by putting your comment in the post. Thank you. May Allah repay you. ^_^

Peace out!

Friday, 16 December 2011

it.happens.in.a.blink.of.eye.

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah, I'm finished making my first public video. Earlier, I thought I was not going to participate but I don't know why, three days ago, the organizer did say like he has not found the video that he waits for. So, I guess why don't I try to make a video? It does not give any harm to me, in fact if this video succeed to potray what I try to point out, it will be a good antidote for many people. 

But, seriously, I just make it for the sake of reminding myself. I am really a total imperfect servant of Allah, so I need more and more reminder for myself. That's why I think of making the video. 

I admit I did feel like "Can I make a video?" I doubted myself as I don't have any expertise on making good video. I just did based on the experience of watching others video. ( Fyi, I really like to watch video since I was in high school. Whenever there's a video to show in any occasion or during tazkirah etc, I am the one who really get excited and will try to find the best place so that I can watch the video with no disturbance at all..hehe). To me, talent does not come from people, it comes from you, yourself. What I meant here is, you cannot wait for people to say "Wow, you're such a talent in _____!" then you will start to become serious with that work. In my opinion, you are the one who determine either you have the talent or not. 

Yes, in some situations, my opinion doesn't work. But, what I'm trying to say (especially to myself) is just do it. Only then, you know that you're good or not. (Remember that, bella! Remember!!) 

InsyaAllah, I hope it will give benefits to people who watch it. You can watch it too. If you want to share with your friends, just share the video only, not the one who made the video. This is serious!! I am not doing any joke. Please don't tell others about the video maker, just tell about the video only. Okay??

The Traveller's Dream (is actually a video of my recent poem)

Peace be upon you. Thanks for reading. ^_^




Thursday, 15 December 2011

it's.quite.hard.i.must.say.

Assalamualaikum..

Kia ora!! (opps..looks like someone got so excited to go to nz..haha)

Okey, let me share something that I thought this morning. But before that, just want to share some of my updates. 

Alhamdulillah, my visa is approved and my passport is already with the agent. InsyaAllah today my dad will be going to the agency to take my passport (with the visa on it) back. No worry anymore about passport! Thank you Allah. :) Before this, I'm worried a lot about my passport, to be precise not only me but my parents too.

The other one is MARA's agreement. Last friday, my mom helped to take the agreement from MARA office. So, I think I am the first one who get the agreement, many of my friends haven't received it yet (because posting can be soo "fast"). I need to finish it before next monday as I have to send it to MARA on that day. Actually, the deadline is on the 23rd December but insyaAllah, I'll not be here in my country for a period of time. That's why I need to send it earlier to MARA. Or else, I dont know what to say. Just hope and pray that I can make it on time. huhu..

Let's move on, shall we?

About the thing that I want to share is actually about myself, I mean my experience. Frankly, I was (and still a little a bit, am) a person who really cannot receive any critics anything about me like my work (especially), my performance in sport, my idea, my appearance and whatever you think about me. Yup, I used to be so conservative when it comes to point out comments/idea and to receive it. I can be soo disappointed and frustrated if someone critics me or says that I'm not good enough for this and that. Such a spoiled kid, right? There are many cases of my life where I mad at someone who likes to critics what/who I adore. To me, if you dont like it, just go away and get something that you like. fullstop. 

Somehow, I feel like the people who critics me are not appreciates my effort at all. 

Sincerely, this attitude is not good. People can give critics just to help me to improve what I did. Even, the critics from your enemy is can be helpful than the 'good' comments from your friends give just for the sake of afraid of making you unhappy. Yeah, I heard a motivator said *not the exact meaning*, "Do listen to your enemy cause they really see your weaknesses. So take it and improve that there shall be no weaknesses he will mention in the future". It's a good thing for you, huh?! 

My problem is because whenever, I get critics, I am too focus on my weakness that I didn't see beyond that which is there is a weakness to improve! 

But, to receive the critics takes a lot of courage and professionalism for me to not get emotional for it. That's what happen to me. I simply take the critics to my heart. T_T. 

InsyaAllah, from now, I'll try my best to receive critics with no heart feeling and use it to improve my quality. I know it'll be so hard for me to do this, but for the sake of Allah, insyaAllah I try. Pray the best for me!

Thanks for reading. May Allah bless you. 

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

the.traveller's.dream.

"The Traveller's Dream" by silentdreamer

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

this is my dream
this is what i want to be

One day,
I realized of how beautiful it is to be one of Your slave!
I clearly see what a magnificent life when I get to know deeply of who You are
that sense of belonging flushed away all the 'solitary' air
I begin to breathe with a new fresh air
and until now, Alhamdulillah, I still breathe in that 'slavery' air.

But,
whenever I walk through any house,
sometimes the air got so thin that I couldn't bare to breathe
sometimes the air got so fresher that I wish to spend there forever

Seeing the house that full of hatred, misunderstanding and false attachment
really breaks my heart to many pieces.
I cried and at the same time, talking to myself,
"There's so many things that I have to do! I have to keep pushing myself hard, I really need to work hard as the air of 'slavery' is getting thin. Oh, how I wish that they could feel the bless of breathing the 'slavery' air!"

Whenever I crossed the house that full of the determined yet humble fighters
I will close my eyes, deeply breathing the essence of their fresher 'slavery' air
Inside, I vow to myself that one day, I want to become one of them.
They are the ones who are not afraid of anything except Allah
They are the ones who will do whatever it needs to please Allah
They are the ones who are not easily give up in the road of Allah
These are the people that Allah loves eternally

The warriors that will fight with their heart loudly say;
"I HAVE COME TO FREE YOU FROM THE SERVITUDE OF THE SLAVE AND BRING YOU TO THE SERVITUDE OF THE LORD OF THE SLAVE".

this is my dream
this is what i want to be.

Monday, 12 December 2011

these.coming.days.

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah now, im getting better emotionally and spiritually. spending days with the loved ones is one of the best gifts in my life. although something that i dont please happened, insyaAllah Allah knows the best and He is the best planner. Allah did say in At-Taghabun, verse 11 that every bad things happened is with the permission of Allah. Allah loves cares aut His slaves, so He will not pemits anything that will destroy us.

So, I just wanna share sort of my resolution for every day in my life. because I want to improve myself to become a very super duper great muslim, so i need to do this, insyaAllah.

As Yahya bin Muaz advised;

BERJIHADLAH MELAWAN NAFSU DENGAN RIADAH (LATIHAN ROHANI). latihan rohani ada empat perkara :

1. eat little
2. short sleep
3. talk when you need to talk, not when you want to talk
4. being patient with others

these things that i really need to instill and make it become apart of me. all the best! fightin! :

Sunday, 11 December 2011

if.only.you.understand.

I want to write this for this particular person but I knew she didnt know about this.

I just hope that Allah can cross what i'd written in her mind. 

actually, i felt so terrible that i decide not to go. i know all of you have wogthrking hard for it but sadly, i cannot come. it was a devastating to do this. i know how it feels when people just dissapoint for doing what i did. 

if only you understand why i cannot come, 
if only you are one of my therapist friends, 
this terrible guilty feeling will not keep juggling inside my heart and my mind. 

seriously, i am so sorry for dissapointing you but the most unbearabke guilt that i cannot run away from it is the guilt for myself. i knew i wronged myself if i cannot go there. but whzt can i do? 

i cannot the blame the 9ne who creates this plot of my life..
i cannot blame my destiny for i am the one who decide this..

i only have Allah with me and i surrender to Him, begging Him, to make you think somehow of what my life is now. 

insyaAllah bella, our life is not about people, but is about Allah.. 

i.really.need.to.post.this.







Friday, 25 November 2011

to.not.take.it.away.

Assalamualaikum...

Few days before, there were so many things happened and suddenly my positive spirit is gone and my self-esteem became very very very low. I easily get sad and dissapointed with little petty things like making small mistakes (that people don't much care..just at that time) but I got soo much weak inside that I'm making myself content with that unhappy feeling all the time. YES, ALL THE TIME!

To be in that state is soo hard and painful. You can tell how mess I am from the previous post. I tried so much things, I keep on telling myself to lift up myself, hold on and doing many things to make me strong inside. I even bought a self-enrichment book just to make me get that strength. I was spiritually-exhausted. Being weak inside (especially) really tear me up. 

Before this, I thought that the external factors (the people, works, etc.) are the roots of this nightmare. But I was wrong. It is my heart or precisely, my iman. That particular iman that weakens my inner strength. Today, Allah gave me a chance to realize it. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah!! It was when I watch a video of a former Filipina celebrity that embraced Islam. She talked about how lucky she was and she felt soo blessed to become a muslim. She feels Allah in her life!



That time, I knew it. Sincerely, I can say, my problem is I was not close to Allah. That feeling of bless to be a slave of Allah was not there in my heart. I'll never find peace and calm if Allah is not in my heart. It was such a big call for me. To keep on and maintain the divine feeling is so hard to do but I have to, just to make sure I find the TRUE HAPPINESS in my life. I know that there will be moments like this appear again in my life. So, I just have to put the efforts to maintain the feeling stay safely here, in my heart. 

That feeling of warmth. The touch of Allah's love. I remember people said, it is hard to feel the Allah's love but once you feel it, you'll never want to let it go. The feeling of lucky to be the person among billions of people to be selected by Allah as His slave. There was an analogy that was given by one, if A is a student of Miss Angry, you'll imagine of how many times she was being scolded by his/her teacher. She even get punishment everyday if she did a mistake. 

But we, Muslims, we are the slaves of Allah. We belong to Allah, and Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Gracious) and Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful). We'll absolutely know that we will get many nikmat (rewards) from Allah in our life. Indeed, it is absolutely correct!

Whenever I feel sad, I need to feel this feeling. In fact, I need it every seconds in my life. To feel the essence of Great Happiness. To know that Allah is always there for me. I really pray that Allah forgives all our sins and make us the people who succeed in this World and Hereafter. Aminn ya Rabbal 'Alamin. 

Thanks very much for your time and peace be upon you. 


I love to hear this song over and over again. If you free, do listen :)

Thursday, 24 November 2011

monologue-ing.myself.

Assalamualaikum...

What can I say? How do I put this? Arghhh..I dont know. Seriously, I feel like crying. T_T 

Can I just say it? 

Now, I am not satisfied at all with many things happened. Physically, everything is in good position but it's just in my heart and my mind. Both in such a mess! Can I say that I don't have my own time and I blame for everyone around me? Can I blame them for making me busy most of the time until I don't have my pleasure time? Yup, I'm not satisfied at all with all the feedbacks that I got. You know it's like you made a really special, mouth-watering chocolate moist cake to give to someone but that person ruins it by saying it tastes worse!!

ARGHHHHH!!! (so sorry for being soo emo but i have to)

yes, I did mistakes! yes, I made it hard for everyone!! but somehow, I cant bare to receive all the faults. I'm trying okay, I'm trying!! Does it too bad that I just can't get any good words? 

Okay, stop right there, bella!!
Stop at that particular last sentence!!

What were you saying? You want to hear good words? You want people to give you compliments? That is your problem!! 

I know that you were trying to do the work well done. I know you put soo much thoughts and efforts on these things but if you really just do it for the sake of wanting to get compliment, well, just don't do it, okay!!

Don't do it for that! Just DON'T!

You will keep tiring yourself up again and again and over again like the stupid cycle! Please bella, pleaseee.! Please restart or change yourself. You're making yourself harder and harder if you were working like this. 


"Working to please God opens all the beautiful roads for you and leads you through to Paradise. Working to please people isn't but a dead end" - IslamPlusQuotes

Take that, bella! Really, you have to always, always and always reminding yourself of your intention! Work for the sake of Allah! InsyaAllah, Allah will give the best chance to make you realize how good you are..aminn.

note 1 : my pleasure time is not a time to get myself relax but to get myself updated doing my own works (ignore it). 

Saturday, 19 November 2011

these.words.can.never.get.old.

Assalamualaikum..

I'm writing this just because to fill the "6 mins left" downloading ProductiveMuslim's interview with Baba Ali. Whoa! Can't wait to hear it again and again. I heard the interview before this but got stuck at i-dont-know-which minutes. So, I took a decision to download it. hee (whatever)

Okay, move on.

Now, I actually want to say a big-huge-enormous THANK YOU to my grandparents for helping us, taking care of us, my siblings. Since my parents are away to perform their Hajj, it is my Tok and Wan who are sacrificing themselves, staying here in my house for about 3 weeks. I know it's hard for them to left all their things in kampong. You know, their fish pond, cat, rubber, home especially, etc.

Thank you soooo much, Tok and Wan. I hope that both of you enjoy staying here for 3 weeks. Seeing both of you happy together really made me happy. Especially when Tok is teasing Wan with his jokes. The great feeling when I see the old cute couple smile at each other is rather unexplained. A big joy in my heart!

Thank you soo much for being patient with all of us, especially me who's sometimes can be soo lazy yet soo rajin. hee~~

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for a great family. Paksu's family is very great helpers for us. I don't know how many ringgits that they pay in our behalf. Usually when we give the money, they automatically reject it or whenever I asked how much is it, paksu will say, "It's okay" or "It's free..". I deeply know that it is a false truth.

It is indeed an honor to have a great family like all of you, my family! I am grateful and highly thanks to Allah for giving me such a bunch of good people to be with. It is a great blessing to me! ALHAMDULILLAH!!

SOURCE


Okay, it's already 3 am in the morning. Have to sleep now. May Allah bless all of us :) and peace be upon you, my readers!!

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

The.Great.Coolies.

"The Great Coolies" by Silentdreamer

Relieved.
Is that what I feel?
Lucky.
Is that what I thought?

This is all just a starting point.
A point where reality begins.
A point that starts all the hardships, trials and tribulations.
Looking back the timeline of this fragile place,
they already had their own.
Each one of them faced it.
Each one of them had their own story of it.
Now, it's about my turn...

We think that we're safe,
but we're not!
Cause at this point,
there's a huge load that we need to work on.
We're now the coolies,
the great coolies!

You, I, We,
who realized this reality,
has this essential need,
to break all the sweats we have,
to gather all the strength we have,
for we are the great coolies,
who spread the divine love messages to the whole world.

Thursday, 10 November 2011

H.E.L.P

Assalamualaikum..

Now, I'm seriously looking for my favourite TV show, "AlQuran The New Dawn" on TV Al-Hijrah online. Sometimes, I missed to watch the program..huhu. Sadly, I cant find the video online (on Youtube) with english subtitle.

I need to find it with English subtitle or else, I have to learn Arabic but I don't know if I can get it in this small period...erk?

Anyone, who have it or who are expert in Arabic, please do tell me!! I really really really want you to sub the video >_<

JazakAllahu khair :)

In.The.Middle.of.Know-Where.


I have this goal that I desire for
I have the examples that I oath to become
I have the need to be what I want
Yes, I have it!

Beautifully,
I have the pressures that turn me down
I have the wall that blocks my strength
I have the people who blindly hurts
Yes, I have all these!

Eagerly,
I see the goal,
I try to touch it,
I try to reach it,
to feel the essence of love,
the true-est love.

Deep inside,
I hunger for it,
I'm dying for it.
Only You who understands the anticipation.

Please help me,
give me the strength,
to make me soar,
only to be what I'm longing for.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

what.does.it.takes.to.be.mature?

Assalamualaikum..

A little bit worry has begin. Nope. It increases minutes by minutes. Arghh! I don't know why suddenly I feel so anxious and nervous. Before this when my parents were away to perform umrah, I didn't feel like this.

I dont want to say a thing about this. But, I really need your prayers to pray me and my siblings to be always in safety and healthy.

InsyaAllah..Allah is always with us. >_<

My mom's advice on fb ;

Doakan kami ye..buat anak2ku...F**** N****** & A*** R*****..sayang mama jaga adik ye..dia kecik lagi  ..jgn biarkn adik nangis..tksh sayang!

Salam sayang...semasa mama & ayah mengerjakan haji nanti jaga adik2 baik2 ye..jaga kesihatan, jaga tuk &wan, drive carefully..take care sayang.


O Allah, please make everything goes smoothly..aminn :)

Sunday, 30 October 2011

very.short.story.about.miss.B

B is having her favourite fried chicken while her family members prefer rice as their dinner. Actually, B wants to have rice too but she had to take the chicken to make sure that she can watch her favourite TV show, Law Kana Bainana at TV AlHijrah. She really needs to watch it as she feels her 'iman' is slowly weakens day by day. She thought that if she watch the show, she can have something that can somehow heal her 'heart'. She is really looking for the healer of her 'iman'.

B is focusing on her TV, did not bother at all about her family members downstairs, taking out the dishes to be put in the dining mengkuang mat. Yes, B is in the upstairs, eating fried chicken while watching the show while her family members hungrily preparing the mat. Very bad girl! But she thought she's not doing any mistake cause her intention is to heal her iman. She really needs to increase her iman!

Her father called her, repeatedly, to make her to go to the kitchen to help her family members with the dinner. She answers with her mouth, not with her mind. Her mind is too focus on the TV show which now showing about 'Al-Itsar' (self-less). 

"Oh man, I really need to watch this! My 'iman' needs to be healed!", sighed B as she making her way to join her family member to finish the preparation so that majority of the family can have dinner. She cut the papaya with her unsatisfied feeling. "Great! Now, I just missed a great chance to strengthen my iman..", said B inside her painful heart. Only Allah knows how sad she is.

But, only Allah knows what happen. Even B too, did not realize what happened. She didn't notice at all how irony things can get. How irony Allah can do things for her. She's so immersed in her feeling that she cannot relate her situation with the TV show. The relation between Al-Itsar (self-less) and her situation. If she knows, she wouldn't feel that depressed.. 

SOURCE

Saturday, 29 October 2011

1st.timer.

Assalamualaikum...

Alhamdulillah for everything, Ya Allah!! ^_^

Alright, I just want to write something that I've done that I was so proud of. Maybe, if you read this, you will feel like, "Is that just it?? Duhh! -.-". But I don't care, I want it to...hehe.

So, it happened 2 days ago, when me, mariam and wani have a girls-day-out! Although it's tired, alhamdulillah it taught me of many things. Whenever we were talking in the car, there's a always a good thing that I learnt. Seriously, I don't lie. From management issues to car problem to family knowledge etc etc. It was a great day to spend with them. The day-out started from my former college in Banting, then went straight to Shah Alam (INTEC's hostel) and after that, we headed to Sunway.

Well, the most important thing to me here is, finally I have a full confidence to drive car anywhere (insyaAllah). To speak the truth, I was soo freaked-out when I knew that I have to drive to places that I've never been to. Fyi, I am a green person. So, I dont like to do things that I never ever prepared. Yup, since I was a kid until I am a grown-up,  my family taught me to do a slight preparation (at least) whenever I want to do something. In case if I want to go somewhere alone/or with friends, my dad will show me the routes and (sometimes) after that, he'll let me drive to make sure I'm really remember the routes. Sounds freaky rite? haha..but it's the truth.

The night before the day-out, I slept at 3 am just to google the maps. I did note every directions that Mr. Google said and also, draw the maps roughly. Seriously, I never have been this scarred because I cannot imagine at all the road trip. Even playing netball in final or answering IB exam can never be so much scarry. Maybe, because I cannot get the rough idea about what's going to happen.

And because of that, I really really depends on Allah. Immediately after I went out from the gate house I pray hardly to Allah. Every single du'a that came in my mind, I recited it loudly and I also restated and restated my intention. Yup, that what was happen while I'm all alone in my car. Over and over again.

Alhamdulillah, Allah is the best planner. The day went out smoothly (in my own definition where we were not involved in any accident, naudzubillah or the car broke down). If we were lost (that is the most frequent thing happened) , we stopped and asked people. One time, we had no clue how to go to Sunway from Shah Alam and we were really not sure either we were on the Federal Highway or else. So, we stopped at the petrol station and my co-driver, wani, asked the workers there but no one knew. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave His help through a Chinese uncle who willingly volunteered to take us to Sunway. We wrote the number plat but I've left it somewhere, so, sadly I cannot tell the number plat. Sorry. 

Big thanks to this Chinese uncle for helping. What can I say from here, do not hesistate to ask, and dont you ever doubt Allah's plan. InsyaAllah if we are really want to catch His blessings, then He will give it to us. It is just a matter of effort. (Allah doesnt need our effort, we are who really need the effort..you know what I'm saying?)

InsyaAllah, that's all to share. I want to record.

26/10/2011 --> Cheras - Banting - Shah Alam - Sunway - Cheras in 9 hours with a blurry directions!

Opps..forgot to mention. Big thanks to my parents for letting me to go out and lend me the car. Jazakallah n jazakillahu khair :) also to Mariam and Wani for making the day went out smoothly. and especially BIG BIG BIG ALHAMDULILLAH  to Allah ^_^

Okay, that's it. Thanks for reading!

Peace be upon you. ^_^

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

the.short.one.

Assalamualaikum..

InsyaAllah, I just want to make a short post for one of my previous junior in KMB whom had passed away yesterday at 2.50 am because of brain tumour. I pray to Allah that his soul rests in peace and always be in the love of Allah..amin.

AL-FATIHAH.

what can i say, a death, is indeed is a great reminder to me. dont know why, but the same feeling came. this strong feeling. reminiscing this

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa-dosa umat Islam di seluruh dunia samada hidup mahupun yang telah pergi.
Aminn.

Monday, 24 October 2011

talk.about.anger.

Assalamualaikum...

Sebelum itu, syukur sangat-sangat kepada Allah sebab sentiasa menolong hambaNya yang lemah ini. Memberi segala macam nikmat yang memang tak terhingga banyaknya dalam segala macam bentuk. 
ALHAMDULILLAH!

Okay, kembali kepada topik hari ini.

Kalau anda adalah seorang yang mengenali aku dari kecil, anda akan tahu betapa pemarahnya aku ini. Tak tahulah mungkin penyakit keturunan atau pun pengaruh persekitaran..aku pun tak pasti. Bila ingat balik waktu kecik-kecik, memang banyak kenangan menjadi seorang yang pemarah ini (huhu).

Pernah sekali waktu darjah 6, aku tak tahan dengan kebisingan seorang hamba Allah yang berlainan jantina ini. Setelah ditegur beberapa kali dan kelihatannya hamba Allah ini memang jenis tak makan saman (hanya makan makanan halal), lalu, dengan bayaran percuma, aku telah memberi sebuah hadiah yang paling bermakna - satu tumbukan yang halus - cukup membuatkan bawah matanya lebam membiru. Terus senyap di situ sehingga beberapa hari tidak muncul di kelas. (Takut tak?)

Tapi, aku bukanlah seorang pembuli waktu kecik-kecik, cuma aku akan bertindak seperti itu bila ada orang yang tak faham bahasa Malaysia, dengan sukarela, mencari pasal dengan aku atau kawan-kawan aku sehingga perlu berinteraksi dalam bahasa 'lain'. 

Salah satu sebab aku boleh bertindak sebegitu rupa bukanlah kerana aku suka tapi kalau anda berada di tempat saya dan berhadapan dengan budak-budak yang normal tapi cacat perangainya, anda perlu mengambil tindakan sebegitu supaya tiada siapa yang akan berani membuli anda. Iya, itulah apa yang aku fikir waktu aku kecik-kecik dulu.

Teruk bukan sifat pemarah aku dari kecik. Aku memang tak berbangga langsung dengan sifat yang aku ada ini sebab sampai sekarang, 20 tahun hidup di dunia, aku tak pandai nak 'cater' kemarahan aku nih. 

Sekarang ini, hanya ada 2 makhluk berlainan jantina yang masih pandai membuatkan kemarahan aku meluap-luap. Oh, jangan risau bukanlah anda orangnya (jika anda perempuan) kerana kawan-kawan perempuan aku memang semuanya baik-baik belaka dan tak pernah membuatkan aku macam ini. 2 makhluk ini memang pandai bermain api dengan aku. Sampai satu tahap, aku rasa nak terkam makhluk-makhluk ini lalu mencincang mereka kepada 100 bahagian. (Dapat faham macamana kemarahan aku terhadap mereka, bukan?)

Tapi, sejak aku mula kenal Islam dengan hati, aku rasa sangat sedih dengan kelemahan aku ini. Lagi-lagi, bila teringatkan satu kisah yang aku angkat sebagai "KISAH PALING OSEM" pernah aku dengar (semasa di kolej aku dulu). Sewaktu peperangan (tak ingat perang apa), Saidina Umar sedang bertempur, berlawan pedang dengan seorang tentera kafir. Saidina Umar berjaya melemahkan lawannya dan ingin menumpaskan tentera kafir tersebut. Tatkala pedangnya berada di leher musuh itu, tentera kafir itu, meludah ke arah Saidina Umar. 

Kalaulah aku yang pemarah tahap dewa berada di tempat Saidina Umar, anda boleh agak macamana aku akan kerjakan tentera kafir itu bukan? Pasti akan aku cincang tentera kafir itu lebih teruk dari 2 makhluk di atas. Tapi, nama pun Saidina Umar, beliau memang seorang yang hebat iman dan taqwanya. Anda tahu apa yang dibuat oleh Saidina Umar terhadap tentera kafir itu? 

Jeng..jeng..jeng..

(Ohh, aku memang suka buat unsur saspen..hahaa)

....

Beliau lantas pergi dari tentera tersebut dan mengambil keputusan untuk tidak membunuhnya. Hahaha..pelik bukan? (angkat kening berirama)

Lantas, tentera kafir itu kehairanan lalu bertanya pada Saidina Umar kenapa beliau berbuat sesuatu perbuatan yang pelik bin ajaib ini. Kata Saidina Umar, 

"Jika aku membunuhmu sekarang, aku membunuhmu atas dasar marah. Bukan kerana Allah SWT"

SANGAT HEBAAAATTTTTT, KANNN???!!!!!

Itulah kan, sampai hari ini, aku hanya mampu menahan marah dengan berdiam sahaja dan kalau 2 makhluk ini membuatkan aku marah, mesti aku tahan dan diam membawa diri tapi dalam hati sakiiittt sangat sampai akhirnya, aku pun menghamburkan kemarahan aku dengan menangis. Loser.

Serius, aku nak sangattttt jadi seperti golongan orang-orang yang bertaqwa seperti Allah kata;

".....dan orang-orang yang menelan kemarahannya dan memaafkan (kesalahan) orang lain. Dan Allah mencintai orang yang berbuat kebaikan" (3:134)

(kalau anda tengok lecture ustaz nouman ali khan tentang "The People of Taqwa", memang best dia eloberate ayat2 ini..memang kena tengokkkk!!)

Ye. Menelan kemarahan dan memaafkan kesalahan orang lain secara percuma. Itu yang saya mahukannn!

Ada satu hari tu, aku ada tengok cerita kegemaranku di TV AlHijrah dan ustaz berbahasa arab tu bercerita tentang sebuah hadis ; 

Seorang sahabat Nabi saw telah memaki syaitan apabila binatang tunggangannya terjatuh.
 Nabi saw bersabda:


“Janganlah kamu berkata, 'Celaka syaitan.' Kalau kamu berkata begitu syaitan akan berasa besar diri seperti rumah dan berkata 'mendapat kekuatanku.', tapi hendaklah kamu berkata 'Bismillah [Dengan nama Allah]'. Apabila berkata sedemikian syaitan akan jadi hina sehingga seperti lalat.”
[Hadis Abu Daud]

Tepat sekali! Kemarahan kita hanyalah membuatkan syaitan bertambah gumbira dan naudzubillah, aku sedaya-upaya tak nak membuatkan 'musuh yang nyata' ni gembira dengan apa cara sekalipun. HIYAKKK!!

InsyaAllah, kita cuba bersama-sama untuk menelan kemarahan dan memaafkan kesalahan orang dengan percuma. Mujahadah melawan nafsu amarah!!! INSYAALLAH~~

Seperti kata salah seorang watak dalam cerita-2-jam kegemaran aku;

"Patience doesn't mean to bow, but to struggle" 
[script from : 'Valley of the Wolves : Iraq']



TERIMA KASIH KERANA MEMBACA. 

NAH, SENYUMAN IKHLAS BUAT ANDA 
--> V(^___^)V


p/s: pertama kali aku menulis begini panjang..cipta rekod owhh!!
p/s.1 : sumber yang digunakan : sumber 1 ; sumber 2
p/s.2 : aku mengaku, penulisan aku memang senang terpengaruh. huuu~

Thursday, 20 October 2011

He.who.holds.the.hearts.

Assalamualaikum....

First of all, I would like to express my gratitude to Allah for everything He will do/does/did. 

ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH! 

Now, I just want to share a story and it happened when I was in the first year in my college. At that time, we're in the prayer room and one of my seniors told me and others about her experience in that morning. She had an interview with a person from The University of Manchester, if I'm not mistaken and that person is an English man. I was so excited to know about her story especially at that time, I just entered my college and I was one of the people who really bad in speaking English, especially with English-native-speakers! In my first year, English class was one of the reasons I stress so much because I cannot speak fluently like others.

Deep in my heart, I asked myself, "How can she do it? I mean, if I'm in her shoes, I don't think it will going to be smooth.." So, the senior told us, yup, she did feel nervous and scarred at first but it is her father who gave her a very good advice that made she felt soo confident that day. Before the interview started, she called her father first and asked him to pray for her. The words that her father told her are sooo meaningful that I remember clearly until now. Her father said to her that do not feel nervous or scarred because the interviewer is just a human and Allah who holds his heart. If Allah wants to make the interviewer happy, he will be happy and if Allah want to make him dislike what you've said, then he will feel so. So, just pray to Allah, insyaAllah everything will be fine.

I really love the advice!! 

What happened yesterday really made me think about this story. Yup, Allah holds everyone's heart!! If you ask someone anything, just pray to Allah, insyaAllah Allah helps you through that person. :D 

SOURCE

peace be upon you!! ^_^


Wednesday, 19 October 2011

A.Letter.To.My.Master.

Assalamualaikum...
.
.
.
.
.
.
To my Master,

Please..
Help me..
Help me to unchain all these steels that trapped me.
I'm stuck here, helplessly.
Not knowing what to do.
I tried to be fair to everyone,
but I didn't know that it is eating me up inside.
I want to go...
but I can't.
I want to answer my Call,
but they stopped me.
Like a fire, being stuck in a sand trap.

I was hoping "the goods" to understand me,
but it shows no sign of it.
O my Master,
I know, they are not the guilty ones,
cause everyone has different eyes.
So,
I just put on my radiant mask,
behind this steel bars,
praying deeply, you, my Master
to SAVE ME.

Yours truly,
Your fragile slave.

Monday, 17 October 2011

o.u.c.h & r.a.n.d.o.m

"We are such multi-faceted people with unique talents and skills that, theoretically, we should be able to connect with a large, diverse population of people. But instead of making the first move, we sit and wait for “the other” to come to us. And when they don’t, we hide behind this fact and blame them for their lack of willingness to learn about our religion. " - source

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"Gagahkanlah minda dan jiwa untuk terbang bebas laksana burung walau jasad terpenjara di rumah batu." - Anisa 

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Allah doesn't need us anyways but we need Allah. Islam itu pasti tertegak. Sesungguhnya tiada yang lagi tinggi dari Islam. Tertegaknya islam itu bukanlah bergantung pada sejauh mana sumbangan kita. Kalau kita tak contribute pun, fine takpe. Allah akan gantikan kita dengan orang lain yang lebih baik. Dan islam itu pasti jua akan tertegak. So where do we stand? Let's reflect and insyaAllah let us imporve towards the betterment ♥ - Liyana Athirah

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Tapi malangnya, jiwa dan perasaan kita tidak bersedia untuk menghadapi cabaran dan mehnah yang datang dalam satu pakej dengan jalan dakwah ini. Ramai antara kita yang mudah berasa tertekan, bawah, sedih dan susah hati apabila masalah-masalah yang 'common' dalam jalan dakwah ini, seperti masalah ukhuwwah, masalah menyusun gerak kerja, masalah gagal menDF hadek-hadek dan sebagainya, terkena pada batang hidung kita. Akibatnya? Jadilah kita lembab dan lemau di atas jalan ini, kerana selalu kechiwa dan berasa terabai. Tidak kurang juga yang lari terus dari jalan ini, semata-mata merasakan diri mereka tidak diberikan perhatian yang sewajarnya. Ala-ala kurang kasih-sayang gitu. 

Kita tidak enjoy dan tidak ada passion dalam melaksanakan tugas yang paling mulia ini. Aduhai.

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konklusinya : 

Aku tak nak jadi lemah dan lemau!! Aku nak jadi seorg yg passionate dgn apa yg aku mahu lakukan. Hoyeahhh~~!



Friday, 14 October 2011

trying.to.be.calm.

Assalamualaikum...

It's been such a roller coaster week..very emotional week, i can say. I dont know, maybe because of my unbalanced hormones and things happened in this week. yahh, i guess every places has its own obstacles right.? even me, who is just sitting in house for months had my own obstacles.

what happened needs me to be husnuszhon (positive-thinking)
what happened needs me to be patience
what happened needs me to be fair
what happened needs me to be struggle

Everything that Allah made for us is really special, you know. It makes us to stop for a while and think back again what is the purpose I am here. 

What happened really makes me missed Dhuha time in my college. Although the surau is full with many students, I always have my own space, being alone with Him, talking to Him, just me and The Creator. Yup, I really really miss that. (especially in this ABC period) 

I can feel peace at that time. I feel that I've been heard by Him. It's like a conversation happens but with one side only. What a dating!! 

I guess that is what makes every believers (Mu'minin) keep going in this road. To the next final destination. Meeting Him in real. (take a deep breathhhh...)

One more thing, it such a long time I've been separated from nature. Nature that always kept me thinking about Him. Wind. Air. Trees. Sky. Leaves. Grass. Hope to be alone with them. Just like in the old days, walking alone to the class, seeing all those Allah's creation is just enough to make me reflect and smile.

Here, I trapped in the house with no space close to the nature. They don't allowed me to go outside alone. I understand why they said so. Never mind. It's just about the time. InsyaAllah I'll be getting all that back when I start my university life..aminn.

O Allah, please let me drown in your Words especially the description of Your Jannah. I really want to be there with Your blessings.!

It's okay to be hard here in the World, friends. InsyaAllah, in the Hereafter, all of us will happily ever after there. 

Peace be upon You, readers ^_^

SOURCE

Monday, 3 October 2011

i'm.such.a.weak.person!

Assalamualaikum...

That's why I think about myself today. arghh! I'm such a weak person. I feel like crying now but no, I will not! This problem is torturing me like hell and yah, I know there's something that Allah wants to teach me behind this matter. It already reaches 3 weeks now and it has not been solved yet!! Such a perfect problem sounds to me!

O Allah, I have been patient for 3 weeks and I will always be patient for whatever You gave to me. I'm not complaining what You gave me but I cannot control this feeling. 3 weeks is such a lonngg time! Dear Bella, please hold yourself a little bit stronger. Yes, I will!!

I dont know. Astghfirullahal 'Azimmm...

Maybe there's something wrong with me! Even, being alone in this house without any external disturbance but still I cannot take care of my iman with a good care. Allah always has His own plan to make us better days by days. I believe in that!! 

Bella, keep waiting and keep being patient with the problem.

Only Allah who can solve the matter. No one else can. and I pray hard to Allah..please ya Allah!! Help me solve this problem! Sometimes, I just cant make myself comfortable with what happened. T_T 

How I wish I can be a strong person like the Prophet S.A.W!!! >_<

"Apabila hidupmu tidak ceria di pagi hari… Mungkin kerana dosa, jadi bertaubatlah. 
Mungkin kerana kurang memberi… jadilah berilah salam dan senyuman. 
Mungkin kerana marah.. jadi berilah kemaafan. Mungkin kerana lalai… Berzikirlah. 
Mungkin kerana takut, bimbang… Berdoa dan berzikirlah. Carilah teman dalam hidup, sebaik2 teman adalah Al Quran." 
[ Pahrol Mohd Juoi ]

T_T

Friday, 30 September 2011

pathetic.

Assalamualaikum...

Tak tahula kenapa tapi sejak semalam, aku asyik rasa sedih je. Even now, sad background song is playing in my mind over and over again. It's not that I'm sad cause I missed my friends or I regret of being unemployed, but actually, there is some situation that I had to accept which is sooo pathetic.

I'm not actually complaining for what Allah gave me but I'm writing this just to, you know, think again, to clear out my mind. I am always a dreamer. A person with a big dream and also a big fat day-dreamer. Yeah, I know it's not good to be a day-dreamer.

So, I'm having this dream to attract people into Islam. There was one time I thought like how I wish to be a famous person, then it was easy, we dont have to put a lot of effort to attract people learn about Islam. Somehow, from one corner of my mind, there's a thought of hey, when you are famous, you need to watch what you've said about Islam because if you accidentally say something wrong about Islam, you'll be in BIG trouble here in this world and hereafter. Plus, you have to watch what you're saying to take care of everyone's heart. and it can take us to a condition where our writing become not 100% pure from our heart.

Whoa!! That is totally madness and sadness. 

When I reflect, yahh only Allah knows what the best situation that suits me the most. You dont have to whining about your state of condition because you'll never know whether it's good or bad for you. Only Allah knows. 

Last but not least, THANK YOU ALLAH! for everything :)

Okay, I have to go now. There's a sharing moment coming up!

Jaa ne~~ peace be upon you, readers! ^_^

Thursday, 29 September 2011

between.the.line.

Assalamualaikum...

4 hours ago, something terrible came up and I feel so trapped with it until I decided to just stop for a while from  what I've been doing. Put all things aside and lay down on my favourite chocolate sofa. Thinking...thinking...and thinking. Really, I was thinking just to find something positive from this matter. Although it really get me tangled, I have to.. because I believe what happens has its own silver lining. Allah made that happen especially for me and I dont think that happen to my other friends who are going to NZ. 

Yup, I did found the positive thoughts but in just on my mind. Deeply inside, only Allah knows how do I felt. So, I just lay down and take a rest while the time flows like a speed racer. 

Then, after I finished my prayer, I took a fold of paper from my jar of reminder (previous post) and wondering what Allah wanted to say to me. Then, the paper showed a sentence which says;

"And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak." (4 :28)

I cried happily even though the problem has not been solved yet. But I cried cause I feel blessed and lucky to have a chance to feel His love. to feel Allah's love. At that time, I knew that all the positive things that I have noted before is TRUE. 

and ONE OF THE THINGS that is soooo TRUE is:

ALLAH WANTS TO TEACH ME SOMETHING FROM THIS PROBLEM :) 


Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah T_T

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

drowning.in.guilt.

assalamualaikum...

seriously now, i feel guilty to Allah. i know it is not a good thing to do. arghh!! but at the same time, i really dont want to make the person feel shame or dissapointed. i know and i'm trying to stop it but it just keep going and going cause that person always try to lengthen it. *sigh*

Ya Allah, please help me through this. I dont want to get any "liitle heart"-disease.

okay, if you're reading this, please understand me and dont get me wrong! we know our limit and let's just be friend to please Allah. I love that kind of friends :D

more than that, let Allah does His works.

I'm writing this cause I admit that I'm His weak slave T_T

Friday, 23 September 2011

how.blessed.we.are!

assalamualaikum...

Alhamdulillah for everything that Allah has given me. this week had been such another blessing from Allah to me. This morning, i just had a happy sharing moment with my 'lucky girls..haha. (okey, only them who understand this).

I'm writing this because I just want to share a video from this guy and what he said in his speech really made me touched deeply inside. yahh, i know we know about it but how often did we remember about what we know? we are human and human always forget. and that's why we need a REMINDER, right?!

ooookay, this is the video :D have fun while watching it! and one more thing, this guy is funny. i laugh many times, hearing his story ^_^


that's all folks! peace be upon you :D

Thursday, 22 September 2011

t.u.m.b.l.r

assalamualaikum everyone!!


just to inform you, my readers, i just got addicted to tumblr and here's mine. insyaAllah i will make it as my great reminder pockets. you can follow too if you want..hehe


ourhimmah.tumblr.com

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

.f.a.i.t.h.

assalamualaikum...


Alhamdulillah cause Allah is still giving and showing His love to all of us and in this case me and my dear friends :) just like a hadith down here;



On the authority of Mu’aawiyyah who said, the Messenger of Allah s.a.w said,  


“he who Allah wants good for, He gives him understanding of the deen (religion).”  

[Hadeeth reported by Bukhaari and Muslim] 

today, me and my friends had a chance to join a happy sharing circle with our senior. before that, i want to thank everyone for being there to share everything which are wonderful, WONDERFUL thoughts!! 

one thing that i learnt today that i remember sooo much is to be a BELIEVER is such an amazing job. you know, before this, when i heard in AlQuran, sentences like...  

"O you who believe!" or "O you believers!", 

i just thought like.... 

"okay, that's a sentence for mu'minun (people who believe) and yah, i think me and all of us, muslims are the one who believes in what Islam teaches. so, we have to take note that ayat...maybe there's something that Allah wants us to do.."

i didnt say that this kind of thought is wrong. it is absolutely true! but somehow, this morning, i came to realize that i never think of how amazing to be one of the believers!! i mean, to be a believers or mu'minun is not easy. do you really really really believes in Allah? please dont get me wrong. what actually i want to say is do you feel Allah is watching you? do you feel and confident that one day, there will be The Judgement Day where every single thing that you did will be shown and measure? do you really bear in mind that Angels are exist? 

think again!! 

to KNOW and to BELIEVE is wayyyy DIFFERENT!

let me give you an analogy, do you think H. Pylori (bacteria) is exist? 

if you know it, you'll say : "yah, it exists cause i learnt about it in school."

but if you believe it, you'll be like : "it really exists okay, cause i see it moves during my lab time and i was the one who got stomach ulcer from it. so, dont you dare to say it's not exist" (haha..maybe a little exaggeration there :P)

(i hope my analogy works..my bad)

a believer is the one who are confident and have faith on Allah and His message. not everyone on this earth can have faith on something which are cannot be detected by our senses. i guess i dont have to give any example because everyone can relate that one, right? 

so, if you believe deep down in your heart that there will be hereafter and this world is just a temporary place we stop by, you will not letting yourself to be 'high' in false things and take you away from Allah and teachings of Islam. 

take an example --> you are bear in mind, believe if you go to amazon river, you'll got bitten nonstop by the piranha 'monsters' and feel a serious painful injury like hell and end up, you are dead! if that's so, you will not stupidly letting yourself drowning in the river.

to me, to be a BELIEVER, to believe something that we cant see, feel, touch, smell and hear is not an easy task and that's why our iman sometimes fall down and sometimes rockets up because we tend to forget about Allah and that is a HUGE reason for us to always get a reminder. 

that's all we need everytime, a reminder that will take us closer and closer to Allah. *wishingitsomuch*

i'm writing this because i want to remind myself in the first place and maybe it can become your reminder too :D *sharing is caring*

lovemuch and peacebeuponyou ^_^

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

like.a.morning.breeze.

assalamualaikum...

thank you Allah for the last 2 days. the days that You gave make me smile happily even, until now. Alhamdulillah! ^_^

sunday, 4th September 2011.

we had so much fun. going out together in darina's lagi best and atiyah's kancil to durrah's and diba's open house. yup, i hadn't seen you girls in 3 years which is super long time. and to have a wonderful day with you girls was such a bliss from Allah to me. the most important thing is each one of us is still the same person like the old days in smakl before. that day is like a non-stop laughing session. 

thank you sooo much to them for making the memorable day :

durrah, mimie, bilah, cumai, nadia, atiyah, darina, diana, mieza, ain and dibah.

you girls really made my day!!! ^_^

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monday, 5th September 2011.

i called it as "THE BEST USRAHMATES OUTING EVER!!!". Allah is the best planner..masyaAllah! firstly, auni, zati and me took ERL to putrajaya and then hopped on bus to alamanda and met up with suraya and kak fiza. after that, fetched bessi and straight to bangi for bessi's partially-finished medical checkup (already settled). i feel like it was a very long day because to meet up with them was no-waste-hours at all. everyone was making easier for everyone. poor bessi.. i know she was reaaalllyy tired because after landed on KLIA from KK, she had to spent the whole day with us. sooo sorrryy bessi!

but it was a very great day! after this, everyone will be going to different places. i guess we'll not have those days like in kmb. usrah together, laughing and fighting with each other. huge thanks to kak fiza for sacrificing her time until late night sent each one of her anak usrah to their homes. 

loads of love and thank youuu to kak fiza, suraya, auni, zati, bessi and not to forget abel, wawa and tiqah.!! i love all of you soo muchh!


may Allah gives us more days like these in the future and i pray that success be with everyone of you, my dear girls! keep working and fighting in the name of Allah ^_^

again, domo arigatou gozaimase! :)