Friday, 25 November 2011


Few days before, there were so many things happened and suddenly my positive spirit is gone and my self-esteem became very very very low. I easily get sad and dissapointed with little petty things like making small mistakes (that people don't much care..just at that time) but I got soo much weak inside that I'm making myself content with that unhappy feeling all the time. YES, ALL THE TIME!

To be in that state is soo hard and painful. You can tell how mess I am from the previous post. I tried so much things, I keep on telling myself to lift up myself, hold on and doing many things to make me strong inside. I even bought a self-enrichment book just to make me get that strength. I was spiritually-exhausted. Being weak inside (especially) really tear me up. 

Before this, I thought that the external factors (the people, works, etc.) are the roots of this nightmare. But I was wrong. It is my heart or precisely, my iman. That particular iman that weakens my inner strength. Today, Allah gave me a chance to realize it. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah!! It was when I watch a video of a former Filipina celebrity that embraced Islam. She talked about how lucky she was and she felt soo blessed to become a muslim. She feels Allah in her life!

That time, I knew it. Sincerely, I can say, my problem is I was not close to Allah. That feeling of bless to be a slave of Allah was not there in my heart. I'll never find peace and calm if Allah is not in my heart. It was such a big call for me. To keep on and maintain the divine feeling is so hard to do but I have to, just to make sure I find the TRUE HAPPINESS in my life. I know that there will be moments like this appear again in my life. So, I just have to put the efforts to maintain the feeling stay safely here, in my heart. 

That feeling of warmth. The touch of Allah's love. I remember people said, it is hard to feel the Allah's love but once you feel it, you'll never want to let it go. The feeling of lucky to be the person among billions of people to be selected by Allah as His slave. There was an analogy that was given by one, if A is a student of Miss Angry, you'll imagine of how many times she was being scolded by his/her teacher. She even get punishment everyday if she did a mistake. 

But we, Muslims, we are the slaves of Allah. We belong to Allah, and Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Gracious) and Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful). We'll absolutely know that we will get many nikmat (rewards) from Allah in our life. Indeed, it is absolutely correct!

Whenever I feel sad, I need to feel this feeling. In fact, I need it every seconds in my life. To feel the essence of Great Happiness. To know that Allah is always there for me. I really pray that Allah forgives all our sins and make us the people who succeed in this World and Hereafter. Aminn ya Rabbal 'Alamin. 

Thanks very much for your time and peace be upon you. 

I love to hear this song over and over again. If you free, do listen :)

Thursday, 24 November 2011



What can I say? How do I put this? Arghhh..I dont know. Seriously, I feel like crying. T_T 

Can I just say it? 

Now, I am not satisfied at all with many things happened. Physically, everything is in good position but it's just in my heart and my mind. Both in such a mess! Can I say that I don't have my own time and I blame for everyone around me? Can I blame them for making me busy most of the time until I don't have my pleasure time? Yup, I'm not satisfied at all with all the feedbacks that I got. You know it's like you made a really special, mouth-watering chocolate moist cake to give to someone but that person ruins it by saying it tastes worse!!

ARGHHHHH!!! (so sorry for being soo emo but i have to)

yes, I did mistakes! yes, I made it hard for everyone!! but somehow, I cant bare to receive all the faults. I'm trying okay, I'm trying!! Does it too bad that I just can't get any good words? 

Okay, stop right there, bella!!
Stop at that particular last sentence!!

What were you saying? You want to hear good words? You want people to give you compliments? That is your problem!! 

I know that you were trying to do the work well done. I know you put soo much thoughts and efforts on these things but if you really just do it for the sake of wanting to get compliment, well, just don't do it, okay!!

Don't do it for that! Just DON'T!

You will keep tiring yourself up again and again and over again like the stupid cycle! Please bella, pleaseee.! Please restart or change yourself. You're making yourself harder and harder if you were working like this. 

"Working to please God opens all the beautiful roads for you and leads you through to Paradise. Working to please people isn't but a dead end" - IslamPlusQuotes

Take that, bella! Really, you have to always, always and always reminding yourself of your intention! Work for the sake of Allah! InsyaAllah, Allah will give the best chance to make you realize how good you are..aminn.

note 1 : my pleasure time is not a time to get myself relax but to get myself updated doing my own works (ignore it). 

Saturday, 19 November 2011



I'm writing this just because to fill the "6 mins left" downloading ProductiveMuslim's interview with Baba Ali. Whoa! Can't wait to hear it again and again. I heard the interview before this but got stuck at i-dont-know-which minutes. So, I took a decision to download it. hee (whatever)

Okay, move on.

Now, I actually want to say a big-huge-enormous THANK YOU to my grandparents for helping us, taking care of us, my siblings. Since my parents are away to perform their Hajj, it is my Tok and Wan who are sacrificing themselves, staying here in my house for about 3 weeks. I know it's hard for them to left all their things in kampong. You know, their fish pond, cat, rubber, home especially, etc.

Thank you soooo much, Tok and Wan. I hope that both of you enjoy staying here for 3 weeks. Seeing both of you happy together really made me happy. Especially when Tok is teasing Wan with his jokes. The great feeling when I see the old cute couple smile at each other is rather unexplained. A big joy in my heart!

Thank you soo much for being patient with all of us, especially me who's sometimes can be soo lazy yet soo rajin. hee~~

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for a great family. Paksu's family is very great helpers for us. I don't know how many ringgits that they pay in our behalf. Usually when we give the money, they automatically reject it or whenever I asked how much is it, paksu will say, "It's okay" or "It's free..". I deeply know that it is a false truth.

It is indeed an honor to have a great family like all of you, my family! I am grateful and highly thanks to Allah for giving me such a bunch of good people to be with. It is a great blessing to me! ALHAMDULILLAH!!


Okay, it's already 3 am in the morning. Have to sleep now. May Allah bless all of us :) and peace be upon you, my readers!!

Wednesday, 16 November 2011


"The Great Coolies" by Silentdreamer

Is that what I feel?
Is that what I thought?

This is all just a starting point.
A point where reality begins.
A point that starts all the hardships, trials and tribulations.
Looking back the timeline of this fragile place,
they already had their own.
Each one of them faced it.
Each one of them had their own story of it.
Now, it's about my turn...

We think that we're safe,
but we're not!
Cause at this point,
there's a huge load that we need to work on.
We're now the coolies,
the great coolies!

You, I, We,
who realized this reality,
has this essential need,
to break all the sweats we have,
to gather all the strength we have,
for we are the great coolies,
who spread the divine love messages to the whole world.

Thursday, 10 November 2011



Now, I'm seriously looking for my favourite TV show, "AlQuran The New Dawn" on TV Al-Hijrah online. Sometimes, I missed to watch the program..huhu. Sadly, I cant find the video online (on Youtube) with english subtitle.

I need to find it with English subtitle or else, I have to learn Arabic but I don't know if I can get it in this small period...erk?

Anyone, who have it or who are expert in Arabic, please do tell me!! I really really really want you to sub the video >_<

JazakAllahu khair :)


I have this goal that I desire for
I have the examples that I oath to become
I have the need to be what I want
Yes, I have it!

I have the pressures that turn me down
I have the wall that blocks my strength
I have the people who blindly hurts
Yes, I have all these!

I see the goal,
I try to touch it,
I try to reach it,
to feel the essence of love,
the true-est love.

Deep inside,
I hunger for it,
I'm dying for it.
Only You who understands the anticipation.

Please help me,
give me the strength,
to make me soar,
only to be what I'm longing for.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011


A little bit worry has begin. Nope. It increases minutes by minutes. Arghh! I don't know why suddenly I feel so anxious and nervous. Before this when my parents were away to perform umrah, I didn't feel like this.

I dont want to say a thing about this. But, I really need your prayers to pray me and my siblings to be always in safety and healthy.

InsyaAllah..Allah is always with us. >_<

My mom's advice on fb ;

Doakan kami ye..buat anak2ku...F**** N****** & A*** R*****..sayang mama jaga adik ye..dia kecik lagi  ..jgn biarkn adik nangis..tksh sayang!

Salam sayang...semasa mama & ayah mengerjakan haji nanti jaga adik2 baik2 ye..jaga kesihatan, jaga tuk &wan, drive carefully..take care sayang.

O Allah, please make everything goes smoothly..aminn :)