Wednesday, 21 September 2016

It's.been.a.while.

Assalamualaikum wbt 

Nothing to do with the writing actually. haha :P


Heyya all! How's it going, guys? It's been a while though since the last time I posted something here. Just trying to write something hence my love to this blog is still valid I assume. Back in my KMB times, blog was like everything. I spilled everything here. So, I am so grateful and feel blessed to have this blog of me.

Kinda wanna update a little bit of my life here. I'm still in Auckland, not yet BFG. hehe. Currently, I'm working in a clinical trial company near to my house. It's  about 10-minute walk from home. I know it's really convenient, right. Alhamdulillah work is good here. Most of the people are good and warm. My boss is really nice. Everything is good except for some inappropriate clothing and use of language. Well, it's their culture, not mine. 

Talking about it, I found it's so hard to practice this one thing, is called Al-Hilm. The closest meaning to it would be patience or swallow your anger and lowering down your ego. Simple example would be what happened today is we were having this one day moving all our things to different floor due to expansion of our lab and office but then you know moving is not really convenient when you have moving and also daily tasks that you need to finish up. Moving is like one major thing and daily tasks is like another major thing. So, doing both is like frustration, exhaustion and whatnot. My colleagues have already been swearing, sighing and making tired faces. The same goes to me as well except for swearing. I really hate when people starts their f-culture. Ahhh, I hate it! 

So, you know situation that gets really tough that you can easily make unnecessary stress and snaps at people. That's what I'm talking about! It's really hard to practice al-hilm and keep on being positive and stays with your sanity. I mean snapping at people and being irrational are the most easiest job in the world but then Islam taught us to keep calm and stay al-hilm. 

There was this one time, I was up to a point where I am so tired and I was having a really bad crazy headache (it was so painful!) and this one guy deliberately shouted at me for doing things late. I was like seriously at this time?! huhu. Technically, it's not late at all as I made the appointment at 5 pm but he came at 4.30 pm and all of the samples were not packed yet due to we have this crazy moving things up and down and we were sooo tired of it. It's just that I usually finish my sample packing at 4.30 pm that the time he comes we can get our appointment straightly done. But then, it's just that today was not really well because of the moving. 

Getting people shouted at you was not even funny nor relaxing. I was just so exhausted and when that happened, it really tested my anger and ego. But then, I was trying to cool me down and be patient and not being reactive. Stay silent is the best way to not snapping back at the people that snapped at you. Emotionally mature here is what I'm talking about. Hee. 

Well, if we look back in Surah Kahf ayats that tell about a conversation between Musa and Khidr, we can look at when Musa was trying to fight for what he believed was right. All the things that his teacher, Khidr was doing looked so wrong at face value in his eyes. But when he tried to explain that these were wrong, Khidr said that nope, you were wrong, you were not patient that you missed some points. I mean having that kind of conversation trying to fight what's right then get easily disagreed by people is not really easy to digest. It tests your ego. That's when al-hilm comes in action that you need to be reflective instead of reactive. 

Okay people, I just stop here now. It's really late now, 12.45 am and subuh here is like 4.45 am-ish. So, I have like 4 hours to sleep. Hee. Till then, see you soon. 

Peace be upon you :) 

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Fireworks.


Kau tahu kenapa fireworks cantik sangat?
Sebab dia menyinar dalam tengah pekat malam
Takde apa yang kita lihat selain dia
Memancar sinar sampai ke hujung mata kita
Saat kita lihat dia berkembang menerang
Mata kita makin terbuka
Mulut kita pun terbuka ternganga melihat keindahannya

Cahaya
bersinar
memang fitrah manusia suka cahaya kan?
Boleh bayang bila kau jumpa Allah kat dalam syurga?
Subhanallah really amazing kan.

Nur
not just hidayah
it means happiness as well

Dengar buat benda ni rasa macam best nama ada Nur
It means happiness
Buat rasa kehadiran aku di dunia somehow berguna pada manusia
Sempat buat manusia gembira
Dan aku harap hingga selamanya
Paling penting buat Allah gembira

Daie pun begitu kan
Rasulullah tak pernah orang lihat rasa duka
Ke mana sahaja dia pergi
dia bawa cahaya
cahaya itu be it as a hidayah which means satu happiness
Eternal happiness mengenali Allah itu
Sebab itu ada orang kata, "Happiness is the truth."
(Tapi kadang2 aku bantah gak sebab ada kebenaran dalam bentuk kepahitan, bukan.)

Terus menjadi cahaya buat umat di luar sana.
Bukan awan hitam menggelapkan hati manusia.

Adios
Salam.

Friday, 12 February 2016

plan.bfg.nakal.

Salam everyone,

This is me here in Auckland for the second day of 2016. I am occupied myself with cleaning the clothes, doing chores, get things properly arranged in store and toilet. Tomorrow, insyaAllah will go to Kmart to buy some stuff for myself and the house as well. There's upcoming spotcheck next week and I need the house to be cleaned or else somehow we can get fined.

About work, still no progress. Hurmm..not to say much but really everyone's doa for this. I am sure that Allah gonna give me the best for myself to work on my huge responsibility that I bear right now. If you can make a doa for me to get the best job/postgrad-diploma, it would be reallllllyyyy helpful.

Just wanna talk a little bit thing here, not really feel to write huge here.

Now, everyone's in the starting phase for everything. Akhawat yang bfg tengah cari halatuju nak gerak macamana di Malaysia, ada yang dah dapat tempat, ada yang still terkontang-kanting, ada yang blur etc. Well, I hope whatever happened, stay strong there! Kita dah lebih kurang 3,4 tahun ditarbiyah and we're ones of the lucky people that are chosen by Allah to really embrace Islam and live with the spirit of it. Islam yang kita rasa Islam buat kita jadi hamba, buat rasa disayangi Allah. Now, that's not gonna be taken away from jahiliyah and the time ever.

Buat yang masih mencari dan tiada follow-up, kakak-kakak dan akhawat yang berpengalaman pernah cakap, sebab tunggu orang datang follow-up tarbiyah memang lambat (it's still happening until now padahal dah lama masalah ini.)

1. CARI MEDAN AMAL

- pergilah join mana-mana tajmik yang korang dengar ada drpd any akhawat atau kita sendiri tanya akhawat
- kalau takde pergilah cari sekolah lama ke kolper lama ke atau sekolah menengah/kolper yang dekat tempat kita nak bermastautin/currently living.
- from there, bila dah beramal, at least kita terus ada urgensi nak mendapatkan tarbiyah. Yelah, dah gerak kan, memang kene isi minyakla. kalau tak hancus.

2. CARI TARBIYAH / ISI MINYAK

- bila dah rasa, teruslah tanya mana2 akhawat atau murabbi2 lama yang ada connection ke then mintak contact number. tryla contact, cakap nak tumpang usrah ke ape sementara waktu.

3. CARI KAWAN PEMIKIR

- lagi best kalau kita ada partner in crime yang dapat tolong kita dengan dakwah since belum ada murabbi yang boleh buat benda ini. so contact akhawat tanah tumpahnya tarbiyah kita dulu or murabbi lama. mintak la nak borak 10 atau 20 minit, mesti diorang okay punya.

- partner in crime bertujuan membantu banyak dalam halatujukan medan kita ni macamana dari segi taarif, takwin dan tanfiz.

Aku tak tahu la. Mungkin akan ada je orang yang bantah apa yang aku tulis ini. Kena ikut sistem yang telah ditetapkan tapi ini bila sistem tak dapat bantu, maka diri sendirilah kena bantu. Dzatiyah dakwiyah, kita belajar dah kan.

Gaya aku cakap ini takdelah bagus sangat. Serius, sebenarnya tak bfg lagi. Tapi insyaAllah ini pun sebenarnya plan aku lah untuk bfg nanti.

Buat sementara waktu sekarang ini, aku datang ke sini untuk prepare apa yang patut sebelum aku bfg lagi beberapa bulan. Lagi 6 bulan je aku kat sini.

Last wish, tolong doakan aku dapat kerja yang elok utk aku terus buat dakwah di sini dan menepati expectation family aku. Moga kerja yang aku dapat ini advantage utk masa depan aku bfg nanti.

Fi amanillah. I'm signing out!

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

very.normal.post.

Play "The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build a Home"

[Beware this is an emotional expression]


Hi there, everyone!
Assalamualaikum wbt

Finally, next week I'm gonna be back in Auckland, NZ. Not for further studying as MARA didn't respond at all to my application of sponsorship for my postgrad diploma. Well, I am used to receive all these rejections. People who reject us really knock us down, aye?

To me, these days, rejection is almost blended well in my life right now. I applied for like 15 (or more than that) job opportunities but everything I got back is just "we are sorry to say that your application is not successful." Yup, thank you very much. At least they replied, aren't they?

Sincerely, everything looks like gonna fall apart. Well, I used to say that, am I? What a negative mind I have. I tried to be positive. I did research on it like I read few webpage on being and stay positive. I tried hard not to think bad about what happened. But somehow, I just cannot help it. You know, looking at the sisters left in Auckland makes me worried much. Is it going to be strong enough to maintain there in Auckland? Or New Zealand I suppose to say. Penggerak dakwah is getting smaller in number. There are places with really really small in number but tonnes of people coming there. I don't mind with the numbers actually. I'm thinking about the burden that they're gonna bear. I hope they'll stay strong and I hope I am as well.

I was thinking, am I able to do something for New Zealand. At least build one pelapis pemikir for one locality that will stay more than 2 years to maintain the dakwah in New Zealand. Like what the older sisters had done to me, I wanna do that again to others. That's one that always make me thinking and stressing about.

In my current condition, I am unemployed. Did not have the chance to get further my study because of the condition of the economy now, being trying to get job in New Zealand but still did not have one (insyaAllah coming soon, I guess) is stressful. It become more stressful that you feel you are alone to have this kind of life. Feel like no one's there to understand your situation. Haha. Did you see that? Being negative is super duper easy! (hate it so muchhh). I just hope that this situation will be ended very soon.

Actually, what's other thing that I feel besides frustration and stress?

I know that I'm going back to Auckland is for dakwah. Yup, people can simply said what a sad life I have whenever they asked me "What you're going to do?" and I say, "Im not really sure, though." But one thing for sure that I feel is I feel a lot more self-talking to myself and Allah. Whenever I read Quran and I encounter some ayats, it's like it really goes straight to your heart. I really love whenever I feel being supported by my good friends and especially by Allah and His words.

I am sure that non-believers would never feel the same as I was. You feel like Allah got your back and you just have to patient (which is really really really hard!) and insyaAllah you believe Allah will give you the best result of all.

I am coming to conclusion about my life that yeah my life is not made up of people's expectation. My life is not like what I think I could be. I haven't thought in my life I'm going back in Auckland for dakwah. I really cannot make people happy with my life as my life is not really smooth like everyone thought it gonna be. I am just a weak servant that try hard and struggling a lot with my life and I strongly feel that Allah will make my life the best for me.

Being adult is really hard, aye? There are times that I feel like there are good things if you die at young age. You don't have bigger responsibilities. You dont have to feel the pain. But anyway, if I really die at young age, please imagine that is Allah really accept what have I done so far with my life? I believe it's not.

There are tonnes of things that I bear right now which is really hard for me. I hope I can tell you a lot about it. But it's not easy to tell a difficult tangled story. I'll try if I can in the next post (if I want to).

Till then,
Salam and peace out.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Maksud.keberjayaan.dakwah.yang.sebenar.


Khaulah pandang telefon bimbitnya. Terdiam di situ. Sunyi seketika semuanya.

Khaulah mengeluh. Dicampak perlahan telefonnya ke tepi. Terlihat mesej whatsapp yang baru dibacanya.

"Adik X tak dapat datang program minggu ni. Tak tahu kenapa. Dia tak jawab kenapa :'(", tulis Hanis.

Bermacam perasaan bermain dalam benak fikirannya. Khaulah memendam rasa. Dipandang buta pada siling rumahnya. "Apa sebenarnya Allah nak ajar aku ni?", gesa hatinya. Matanya dipejam. Tiba-tiba meleleh air mata turun menluncur di tepi matanya. Khaulah tak dapat tahan lagi. Hatinya bungkam. Marah, sedih, geram, semuanya bercampur-baur. Akhirnya hanya tangisan senyap itu yang dapat diluahkan. Hanya air mata. Tiada bunyi sendu di situ.

"Kalau aku nangis sedih pun. Diorang tak kesah pun. Apa barang kau bazir air mata kau untuk mereka, Khaulah?", tegas hatinya. Ditarik nafas dan dilepas perlahan. Khaulah cuba bertenang.

Dua tiga minggu yang berlalu merupakan saat yang mencabar bagi dirinya. Hampir putus asa dibuatnya. Adik-adik tak dapat datang program. Ada penggerak senyap tiada respon. Ada penggerak sibuk urusan masing-masing. Kerja pentarbiyahan perlahan. Murabbinya senyap tak tahu ke mana. Hanya beberapa akhawat yang mungkin suku daripada jumlah bilangan masih aktif berusaha untuk program seluruh musim panas. Balik-balik muka yang sama sahaja.

Khaulah antara kakak yang mempunyai sedikit lebih pengalaman berbanding akhawat yang lain. Dia harus membantu memberi tunjuk ajar sebanyak yang mungkin. Tidak lama lagi dia bakal meninggalkan medan ini untuk ke medan yang sebenar. Akhawat yang ada inilah lapisan akhir penggerak dakwah di medan mereka bersama.

Khaulah cuba memberi mesej pada murabbinya.

"Akak, apa khabar?"

Senyap sunyi. Tiada jawapan.

Khaulah juga punya kelemahan. Tidak semua situasi dia boleh tangani. Tidak semua masalah dia boleh selesaikan. Dia juga manusia, penuh dengan khilaf. Tidak terkira. Ditambah dengan musim panas ini yang tidak terkira panas membahang 'luar' dan 'dalam'. Cukup bahang buat dia kering-kontang 'input' tarbiyahnya. Usrahnya tidak berjalan. Tidak tahu apa yang berlaku dengan murabbi. Tapi jauh di sudut hati, dia dapat mengagak ada sesuatu yang berlaku; mehnah dalaman jemaah buat murabbinya jadi begitu. Program yang dihadirinya jauh langsung tidak dapat membantu mengisi 'tangki tarbiyah'nya. Padahal habis semua 'output dakwah' keluar sepanjang musim panas. Dia penat. Penat fikir, penat rancang, penat bercakap, penat bergerak, penat melayan kerenah manusia, penat menunaikan hak.

"Ya Allah.... beratnya." Tumpah lagi air matanya. Kali lebih laju mengalir berserta esakan kecil.

Segala semangat dan usaha dia dan akhawatnya berhempas-pulas untuk menjayakan program tarbiyah buat adik-adik jadi pahit setelah melihat bilangan peserta yang dapat hadir; dua orang sahaja. Kehadiran usrah kabilah; seorang sahaja. Tak tahu apa yang salah. Mereka sudah banyak berusaha. Jenuh mereka ber-meeting malam-malam buta selepas selesai menunaikan hak pada keluarga.

"Ya Allah, bersama aku. Bersama aku, ya Allah. Tunjukkan padaku, apa tarbiyah di sebalik segala ini.", pinta Khaulah.

Tiba-tiba, bunyi mesej masuk. Apa mungkin ini tanda daripada Allah? Khaulah tidak tahu.

Dibukanya mesej. Kelihatan mesej daripada Lala, akhawat yang bergerak bersamanya. Salah satu medium kekuatannya daripada Allah.

Ada kata-kata di situ untuk dia. 

"Dakwah Yunus berjaya, tepat pada saat dia merasa dan mengaku bahawa dirinya berdosa di hadapan Allah Yang Maha Kuasa. Dakwah Yunus berjaya ketika dia mengakui dirinya aniaya dan hatinya tunduk memuliakan Allah 'Azza wa Jalla
Dakwah Yunus berjaya, ketika dia merasa tak berdaya."

Astaghfirullah al-Adzim. "Apa benar ini maksud keberjayaan dakwah di mataMu?", tanya hati kecilnya. 

Khaulah menghela nafas lebih dalam. Dilepas nafasnya dengan lelehan air mata. Tapi kini berbeza, air mata ini dengan segaris senyuman. Cepat-cepat dia beristighfar dan bersyukur. 

Apa benar ini yang Allah ingin dia mengerti. Bahawa dakwah ini bukan atas kuasa dan kemampuan manusia. Usaha kita langsung tak berkuasa untuk mengubah atau memberi kesan kepada sesuatu. Itu semua kuasa Allah. Allah itu yang berdaya mengubah. Allah itu yang punya kuasa. Kita ini hanya perlu berusaha. Apa saja suratan terhadap usaha kita, itu satu takdir daripadaNya.

Kenapa dakwah itu berjaya di mataNya saat pada mata manusia, jauh masuk ke dalam kategori gagal? Kerana dakwah yang sebenar itu bila mana daie itu faham dan sedar bahawa bukan dia yang berkuasa untuk mengubah dan mentarbiyah seseorang. Semuanya atas kuasa Allah. Melakukan dakwah dalam nafas jiwa hamba itu satu anugerah, satu nikmat. Perasaan ini menghubungkan daie tersebut dengan Allah dalam ikatan yang paling manis; ikatan hamba dengan Allah al-Wakeel. 

Khaulah tersenyum puas. Lalu dia terus membalas mesej Lala. 

"Awakkkkk...jazakillahu khayr :) <3 nbsp="" p="">

Alhamdulillah ya Allah atas kasih sayangMu. Tidak ada alasan untuk aku berputus asa dengan dakwahMu. Semuanya aku lakukan atas mencari redhaMu. 


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Buat kamu-kamu semua yang selama ini hadir dalam perjalanan hidupku sebagai pejuang di jalan cintaNya, aku dapat lagu best ini dan aku nak bagi pada kamu-kamu pula :) Teruskan berjuang mentarbiyah! YOSHH!


Monday, 4 January 2016

penawar.solusi?



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Your positivity is not dead, it just buried somewhere, tenggelam dgn byk thoughts & kerisauan. One day it will come back.

Hmm tapi lately suka doa macam ni,

"Ya Allah, sekiranya sesuatu itu bermanfaat untuk dakwah, maka Kau dekatkanlah kami dengannya. Tapi sekiranya itu hanya memberi mudarat pada dakwah, maka Kau jauhkanlah kami darinya."

Allah nak uji amal kita kot..

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When going through a hardsip, remind yourself that with the first step in Jannah you'lll forget this all.

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Yang paling penting is mereka betul-betul faham mereka buat dakwah itu kerana apa. Kefahaman yang betul-betul. Maksudnya hidup dakwah. Makan dakwah. Sentiasa berbincang dengan akhawat tentang dakwah.

So kena bagi mereka ujian dan biar mereka betul-betul rasa tarbiyah. Bilamana ruh membuat kerja dakwah itu ada.

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Tarbiyah di nz tu boleh katakan mudah dan kurang cabaran dari segi fizikal dan mentalnya. Mungkin sahaja kemahuan dan kesanggupan tidak teruji disebabkan kurangnya fokus terhadap perkara ini.

Mutabaah amal kita menjadi salah satu sebab terjadinya perkara ini. Bila kita tak kuat macam mana adik-adik nak kuat kan.

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Jazakunallahu kamu semua atas kata-kata ini.
Sangat memerlukan.
Tak banyak antara kita yang punya jawapan.
Tak banyak antara kita yang mahu membantu.
Apa mungkin kamu juga dalam keadaan yang perlukan bantuan?

Tiada apa yang bisa memberikan sebaik-baik jalan keluar buat kita melainkan Allah semata.

Ya Allah berikan kami sebaik-baik jalan keluar untuk dakwah dan tarbiyah Mu ini. >_<