if.only.you.understand.

I want to write this for this particular person but I knew she didnt know about this.

I just hope that Allah can cross what i'd written in her mind. 

actually, i felt so terrible that i decide not to go. i know all of you have wogthrking hard for it but sadly, i cannot come. it was a devastating to do this. i know how it feels when people just dissapoint for doing what i did. 

if only you understand why i cannot come, 

if only you are one of my therapist friends, 

this terrible guilty feeling will not keep juggling inside my heart and my mind. 

seriously, i am so sorry for dissapointing you but the most unbearabke guilt that i cannot run away from it is the guilt for myself. i knew i wronged myself if i cannot go there. but whzt can i do? 

i cannot the blame the 9ne who creates this plot of my life..

i cannot blame my destiny for i am the one who decide this..

i only have Allah with me and i surrender to Him, begging Him, to make you think somehow of what my life is now. 

insyaAllah bella, our life is not about people, but is about Allah..