Monday, 27 November 2017


Assalamualaikum wbt

Hi everyone. It's me again, writing as a way to heal my inside.

It's nearly December now. I've been back for good since last March - so total up would be 9 months. Since my bfg, I have my bfg circle that I tried to cater all these lovely sisters that were bfg-ed the same year as mine. We had our circle went on online cause everyone literally spread across Malaysia and none of us were close in distance. We had a few jaulahs together - to Penang and Kedah twice. 

So, in September I told everyone in the liqa' to find their own usrah in their own place so that all of us can focus on contributing more in dakwah at our own very place. And it's not that easy for everyone as everyone has their own struggle that they face even until now. Some of them has usrah dan dakwah work to do, some just are having usrah only and unfortunately some are still waiting. May Allah take care all of you, my dear akhawat. 

Me in this side of the world, alhamdulillah already in the waqi'. Trying hard to understand the waqi', get along with the new and old akhawats and the most hardest part is to remember everyone's single name - OMG it's really hard! I ended up asking their name every time I met them and they're doing the same thing as well. HAHA. Alhamdulillah I'm blessed that Allah still put me in the place that really need people to work for dakwah and tarbiyah. Every week, every month, there will be so many things to plan, discuss, finalise, work and to conduct it. 

I am currently consider myself as a RUNNER whereby I help akhawat who work on this particular katibah and also my busy HO usrati for her anak-anak usrah. Still, to this very time, I haven't had any legit anak usrah. I do have known these few adiks from my university and we did have sharing a few times but still I don't really focus on them either as I put my energy a lot on these two things I said earlier. However, not having a legit usrah is really a missing piece inside of me. 

For those murabbies out there who might be having a severe breakdown with your anak-anak usrah, I would say take a few moments to pause and say alhamdulillah. I can say I'm literally feeling like I miss something or I am lonely partly because of this. Not staying with akhawat and not having anak usrah are really like a nightmare to me. It's going to make me feel way and way more lonely by myself. 

Whenever I saw these students in musolla that I pray every single and I look at their behave, I'm like, "There are so many things to do, yet you even don't have an usrah to work on it." It's such a painful reflection. 

I hope I can contribute more and more for the betterment of this ummah, not by conducting a public communal program with society cause everyone else do that. But by tarbiyah, nuturing the soul deep down inside with pure understanding and knowledge of Islam. 

I miss it so much. Especially when you're seeing everyone surrounds are very busy with their dnt stuffs but not you. 

Pray a lot for me. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, 16 November 2017

Anas bin Malik al-Ansari

Menjadi impian aku utk sentiasa melakukan sesuatu yang bermanfaat utk dakwah dan tarbiyah seperti para sahabat dan para syahidin, seluruh hidupnya hanya kerana Allah. Maka menjadi niat aku untuk menghabiskan masa transisi aku di rumah utk menulis Ibrah dari kisah para sahabat dan bagaimana kisah mereka sangat dekat  dgn kehidupan kita sbg manusia dan daie. 

Aku tidak akan tuliskan riwayat hidupnya kerana banyak orang sudah menulisnya. Google sahaja, surely you can find it. Sumber aku : Buku 65 Gambaran Kehidupan Sahabat (Dr. Abdul Rahman Ra'fat al-Basha)


Keberkesanan 10 tahun tarbiyah

Ummu Salamah membuat keputusan yang sangat tepat bilamana dia telah menginfakkan anaknya utk berkhidmat kpd Rasulullah. Mana tidaknya, beliau telah meletakkan anaknya di sebuah 'sekolah tarbiyah' yang terhebat -- menerima tarbiyah drpd Rasulullah sendiri! Jika kita lihat riwayat hidupnya, selama 10 tahun hidup bersama Rasulullah dan menerima tarbiyah di setiap saat, setiap sudut dalam hidupnya dalam 10 tahun tersebut. Tarbiyah 10 tahun itu 'membekas' sehingga akhir hayat Anas bin Malik yang berumur 103 tahun. Tarbiyah 10 tahun boleh memberi bekal utk dia berjuang sehabis baik 90 tahun kedepan.

Memberi refleksi kpd kita, apa berapa tahun kita ditarbiyah dan mentarbiyah ini memberi kesan yang lama atau hanya 10 minit selepas habisnya wasilah tarbiyah? Atau sesudahnya habis terus hilang semangat naiknya iman itu lalu tidak memberi kesan? (Naudzubillah) 

Kuncinya terletak kpd diri kita yang memberi dan menerima tarbiyah ini. Adakah sekuat Rasulullah atau Anas bin Malik yang sentiasa menjaga hubungan dgn Allah dan sentiasa memberi kebaikan kpd orang lain. Tepuk dada, tanya iman. 

Sentuhan murabbi hebat

Jika kita telusuri kisah Anas bin Malik, kita akan dapat lihat sahabat ini seorang yang sangat tarbiyah bil-hal. Apa itu tarbiyah bil-hal? Tarbiyah berdasarkan apa yang berlaku atau pengalaman/memori. Antaranya sentuhan Rasulullah yang dia paling ingat adalah; 

1. Panggilan Unais (little Anas) padanya
2. Kisah dia terlupa tugasannya dan Rasulullah bertanya kepadanya tetapi tidak memarahinya
3. 2 hari yang paling diingati 
      - Hari Rasulullah tiba di Madinah 
      - Hari Rasulullah wafat 

Sentuhan murabbi itu bukan hanya pada percakapannya yang lantang atau fakta-faktanya yang canggih dan mengagumkan. Tetapi kunci kita adalah sentuhan hati. Maka ada mad'u yang lebih belajar daripada qudwah kita, kata-kata informal/di luar liqa' dan perbuatan kita dalam seharian. Malah diri ini juga sama seperti Anas, sangat terkesan pada qudwah dan kesabaran seorang murabbi. 

Lihat saja kisah-kisah Sentuhan al-Akh karya Inspektor Saahab maka kita akan belajar betapa tindakan dan percakapan kita di luar wasilah tarbiyah sangat memberi kesan kepada seorang yang tsiqah/hormat dengan kita. 

Hebatnya sentuhan-sentuhan tersebut berbekas dalam hidupnya sehingga Anas menjadi orang ketiga yang paling banyak meriwayatkan hadis selepas Abu Hurairah dan Abdullah bin Umar!

Kekuatan Doa 

Rasulullah sentiasa mendoakan yang terbaik utk para sahabat Baginda termasuklah Anas sendiri. Antara doa yang diucapkan untuk Anas adalah; 

"Ya Allah, kurniakanlah kepadanya harta dan anak. Berkatilah dia." 

Justeru, Anas di akhir hayatnya adalah seorang hartawan dan punya keturunan yang ramai. Anak dan cucunya melebihi 100 orang. Whoa! Betapa Allah memperkenankan doa Rasulullah! 

Apa yang kita boleh pelajari di sini ialah peri pentingnya doa seorang murabbi. Sentiasa mendoakan kejayaan para mutarabbinya. Teringat kata-kata seorang kakak sewaktu awal aku mahu menjadi murabbi, 

"Kalau boleh setiap kali kita berdoa selepas solat, bayangkan setiap muka mutarabbi kita dan berdoa yang terbaik untuknya." 

MasyaAllah, murabbi itu sangat banyak berusaha untuk mutarabbinya. Bukan sahaja perlu bersabar dgn kerenah mereka, terlebih dahulu perlu memahami diri setiap mutarabbi dan diperlukan jugak utk berdoa untuk kejayaan hidup dunia akhirat dan dikeluarkan sisi rijal dalam dirinya. 

Apa ada kita mendoakan murabbi dan mutarabbi kita? (Huhu. Tembak diri sendiri) 


That's it! Jika ada sebarang tambahan ibrah, boleh add on the comment below! Jazakumullahu khayr :)

Monday, 6 November 2017


"Happiness is actually the means, not the destination but the vehicle. It’s a way to live throughout life.
If happiness is about achieving things such as fame and money then why aren’t the rich and famous happy?
So what is it? The definition of happiness given by Allah and the Messenger is this: “Every organ in our body is going to be satisfied in a specific way, the stomach by food, the ears by listening to pleasing sounds, the eyes by looking at something beautiful”. The heart is created in a way that it can only be filled with something that goes inline with the nature of the heart.
The heart was created by Allah for Allah."
(taken from here)

As a normal human being, we grew up and faced a lot obstacles in this life. Each trial that we've gone through was super hard that we cannot bear it on ourselves. Particularly, as a woman/girl, there is the need to express the feelings and emotion and looking for support to face the challenges. Those who keep it to themselves and not pour it out in even a single way (you can express it through arts etc., not just via speech) can be a ticking bomb to themselves, waiting to explode and fear that it will be something damaging or lethal. 

So, based on my life, these challenges were bearable for me to face and I have an enough bravery to go through this is due to (one of) what Allah blessed me with; great friends and particularly a best friend. She is the one whenever I feel sad or I feel the need to pour out, I'll definitely came to (be it face-to-face, voice note, messages or emails). She was a really great friend where I found comfort, supports and bravery to do whatever I have to do. She always there to help me where I needed a help (be it earlier or later). I feel so blessed and happy whenever I'm with her (hanging out or talking to her or just be there with her).

But somehow, things are going a little bit deviate where I totally focus on the happiness and I equal the happiness with her presence. Whenever there is no presence of her (in terms of physical/virtual/messages), I feel like I'm not happy or I feel like I'm not loved at all. I feel like she is the only person who care about me so when she is not there, I feel like no one cares for me at all. To the extent that I associate happiness with her which deep inside I can feel that this is not right. I don't feel content and happy in a pure way. I always uneasy and always hoping for my best friend's text messages. I know she feels that what I feel about this friendship is not purely right. She only responds to the one that she feels that she need to respond or care for and I know she did that because she doesn't want me to get attached to her. There are also times where she will spontaneously speak out advice for me that I, hundred percent, admit that she is right about how I should feel with her and the friendship. She knows how to give reminders and deep down inside I know she is right and I accept it slowly. 

Just like what Yasmin Mogahed said in the above statement, happiness is a mean, not our aim. In my case, my best friend is a mean, not what I seek for and not my aim. It's hard but I admit she is not what I need the most even though all the things that I favour (love, care, support and strength) for I can find it in her but I totally forgot that I found it cause Allah permits it for me to find in her. Allah can take her out from my life or even diminish the things that I favour in her from her. It is possible that may be in the future or soon, I will no longer found love, care, support and strength from her. And if I still get attached to her, I will be broken to the max with myself. 

Little did I try to see and feel that she is not the only one that I can find all the things that I favour. There are many other people who are actually love, care, support and strengthen me that I purposely forget to see and admit it. I know and I want to change myself before I'll allow myself to be broken. To be broken for I depend on the wrong thing. Heart is solely made for Allah. Did I do justice to my heart? I think I need to work more in this. 

I am still struggling with this. I'm not done with this trial yet. But it takes courage and firstly, need to admit that this is utterly wrong and I need to make a change. My heart is solely for Allah and this false attachment is not good. My best friend is not guilty. She did her job, reminding and acted what she needs to. It's me that needs to do the job and alhamdulillah despite of this injustice that I did to Allah, He still bless me with this friendship and all I need to do is purify this friendship for the sake of Allah. 

That's all for now. Pray hard for me.