Wednesday 29 September 2010

i.wanna.go.back.home.too!

assalamualaikum..

tonight, spending time alone with my lappy. my roomate went back home this evening. yahh..most of kmb students went back to their hometown for 5 days. haiya~~ manyak jeles lorhh! the holiday starts from today until next monday for KASUKMA or karnival sukan mara. something about sports carnival..lala.

what about me?? yup, i'm stuck here in KMB waiting for the day to play netball match. play netball is great but stay and rest in my house lagi best!! but, it's okay, since my house and kmb is not far away, so, i decided to go home on sunday evening. okaylah tu, kan..?

well, pray for us (netball team). with a new coach, training and practice, insyaAllah, if God's will, we'll win this competition. we still in this learning process. i mean, everyone has their own strength and weakness on the field.

alright then. got to go. no worries. i try hard and i depend on Allah. Allah loves His servant that always tawakal to Him. 

jaa ne~~

p/s: KMB TITANS CAYALAH!!

Monday 27 September 2010

thank.you.Allah!

assalamualaikum...

i'm quite busy now with all those IB and non-IB stuffs. but, i just want to say Alhamdulillah in everything that Allah gave me. just now i got my placement. Allah had put in New Zealand. i got NZ to further my biotech studies. insyaAllah, i have to pass my IB final exam and those stuffs ( EE, IELTS, ToK, CAS and so on) and after that, either july 2011 or feb 2012, hello NEW ZEALAND!! 

until now, i didnt why i get here but the important thing is i'm happy with my placement. a little bit sad because i didnt get UK. but it's okay, NZ is a beautiful and i didnt know much about it. it's time for to explore it!

okay, got to go. pray the best for me. NZ, here I come!!

^_^

Saturday 25 September 2010

say.that.now.

assalamualaikum..

alhamdulillah. Allah give me a free time to write a post. it was a busy week, i should say. perhaps, maybe i was too relax during last holiday. well, i just finished my TOK presentation last thursday. it was not a good news. i dont know, maybe we were not well-prepared. we were beginning to understand it last sunday. but, it's okay. we learn from the mistake and i do learn a lot from it, seriously.

that day, after the presentation, i was holding my tears and it bursted out in front of wani. haha. sorry, wani! i cant hold it but then, when i had mentor mentee session, my mentor talked about death. it was not the main story, because at first we were talking about raya and i dont know how it ended up with that topic. on that moment, i realised that my problem is just a small one compared to the people who had lost their loved ones. i have to be grateful for all the blessings of life.

how can i cannot realised it?? i have to remember that forever.

just like what my friend said,

" Dont tell God how big is your problem, but tell the problem how big is God!"

You see, who are we to complain everything happened in our life. who are we to complain what Allah had arranged for us? seat back and think of it!

even now, i have a small problem but it could to the big one! my lappy always shut in a blink of eyes. i mean, unpredicted shutdown. off just like that. and now, my antivirus have this difficulty to update. haiya..! i dont know what to do lorhh. pray and pray and pray.

and one more thing,please pray for my IELTS. i just had my first class and my exam will be just around the corner.

eh? why do I smell satay now?? is it because of i'm hungry?? but, it IS the smell. i'm not halucinating. better, i go check for myself. hahaha. smell delicious. satay, here I come!!

buh-bye, people!! peace be upon you!!!
^_^

Saturday 18 September 2010

my.own.raya.

assalamualaikum...

sorry, lama jugak la aku ambik cuti blogging nih. malam tadi, baru samapi rumah. memang tiap2 tahun, raya aidilfitri family aku memang gempak ahh. raya sakan. pergi sana, pergi situ, pergi sini, pergi sinun. baru syokkk and feel raya nih. to me, elemen yang paling penting bila syawal menjelma ialah ziarah-menziarahi dan maaf-bermaafan. yup, bagi aku, kalau raya just dok lepak rumah, menghabiskan biskut raya sendiri baik tak payah. [lagi syokk kalau kita habiskan kuih raya orang, betol takk? haha. jk]   

serius, bila 2 elemen itu takde, aku tak rasa raya tu RAYA. but, it's just my perception. different people, different perception, rite??!! dulu waktu kecik2, bila adanya bunyi mercun buluh, mercun bola, hingak lagu tu barula aku consider namanya raya..haha.

so, utk member2 aku semua mintak maaf ye. elemen pertama aku tak boleh nak buat dengan korang sebab lusa aku nak balik kolej dah. anis, ima, mintak maaf open house tak dapat datang. soryyy sangattt!! yang aku boleh buat sekarang nih is elemen kedua. okay, everyone. [spotlight plizz]

dengan ini, saya, silentdreamer a.k.a bella mengucapkan

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!! MINTAK MAAF YE KALAU ADA BUAT SALAH SILAP. HARAP BOLEH DIMAAFKAN LA YE. DUIT RAYA TAKDE SEBAB AKU PON TAK DAPAT DUIT RAYA BANYAK MACAM DULU.^_^

lagi2 kat groupmates TOK aku, auni, jannah dan izhar. thousand apologizes. aku tak dapat nak discuss kita punya presentation. serius, aku takut sangat dengan peresentation kita. aku rasa entah la macam i can feel a strong not-good feeling. nauzubillah.

satu benda lagi yang aku risau sangat. aku ada satu sindrom yang aku tak boleh rawat. aku tak boleh nak tolak sebarang makanan yang dihidangkan. arghhh!! aku rasa macam berat bertambah2. paling aku takut, kalau d***le *hin aku obvious sangat kelihatan. adoiii. bayangkan, dalam sehari aku makan nasi goreng, laksa, mihun, nasi berlauk, chicken chop, kuih raya, ketupat. aihhh, memang balas dendam habis arhh! risau..risau..

sebelum tu, aku nak wish all the best untuk sepupu aku merangkap senior kmb aku jugak, yang dah melanjutkan medic-nya di Republik Czech. 6 tahun. lama tuhh! aku rasa insyaAllah kalau aku fly, aku habis cepat dari dia sebab course biotech 3 tahun je. [sekejap kan??] nanti aku nak belajar bahasa Czech dengan dia..haha. yang aku tahu "AHOJ!!" maksudnya HI!! =_="

gambar raya malas nak tunjuk. okayhh, bella. let's get back to work!! [aku tensi bila aku dapat tau sorang kawan aku dah siap EE. perghhh, gilaaaa]

good luck to all my KMB seniors!! insyaAllah tahun depan turn aku pulak fly. reach for THE DREAM!! aja aja fighting...!

 tvrdě pracovat, a nikdy se nevzdávej!^_^ [google translate mehh..]

Wednesday 8 September 2010

~_~

assalamualaikum...

there's a big balloon of water in my heart. counting time to explode.

i feel like wanna cry but i hold it on.
*gloomy*
since i dont know when, but i feel so hopeless. ahhhh!!!! i wanna go there.
i wannnnnaaa goooo!! dont you hear me??!!
just because of that petty reason, i cannot go. what a shame, bella!!

what a shame!!
i'm still trying to hold it. i dont want people to see it.

Ya Allah...
hambaMu ini rasa sedih sekali. rasa sedih ditapis olehMu. malam terakhir aku tak dapat ke sana. rasa rugi sangat Ya Allah. my heart breaks to see myself as one of the people who were not chosen by Allah. yes, i feel such a useless slave. it was more hurt when i was ready to go, i was excited to go, but then, i cant. just because of another person.

arghhhh!!!
yesterday, i had the same case. i was late to meet You just because of other person. but, i cannot get mad at them because they didn't understand.
again, they didn't understand. what i could do is just cry. cry. cry.
as no one can understand this thing. only You the one who understand the whole thing. and to You, i cried whole-heartedly.

maybe, i'm the one who started it. being ignorant to many things. i admit i did wrong. and if this happened because of myself, i accept it.

still heart-broken. Your love is all I need, Ya Allah!

"He knows what is in the heavens and on earth: and He knows what ye conceal and what ye reveal: yea, Allah knows well the (secrets) of (all) hearts."
At-Taghabun,64:4


 

Tuesday 7 September 2010

for.my.ex-schools'.friends.

assalamualaikum...

last night, dgn izin Allah aku pergi reunion (ke??) a.k.a iftar dgn budak2 sekolah rendah agama dulu. hasif yang organized benda nih. *rajin betol dia nih..!*

okay, go on.

jumpa dalam 10 orang. ramai lah yang aku tak cam. serious. sorang2 muka dah berubah. yang dulu besar, sekarang jadi kecik. yang dulu kecik, sekarang jadi besar. ish3. teruk jugakla penglihatan aku. sorang2 aku kena tanya balik, dulu kelas mana, pakai baju biru ke, hijau ke, putih ke? memang lupa betul.

ada yang kat mesir.
ada yang nak ke india.
ada yang kat uitm.
ada yang buat pharmacy.
ada yang kat ptpl, shah alam.
ada yang kat mane2 lah, aku lupa dah..*sory2*

ada yang buat photography. hehe. disebabkan aku ni macam excited sket kalau bab2 photography, aku pon borakla dengan suraya hanis (dia nih seyes aku lupa langsung! even, until now, aku still tak dapat ingat muka dia waktu sekolah dulu..huhu). syok kott borak dengan dia. banyak giler info dia bagitau pasal kamera2 nih. tinggal dia tak ajar macamana nak pakai dslr je.haha

lagi satu, bila aku berdiri dengan dia, tak pernah aku rasa tercabar macam nih. tinggi gila dia nih..

aku tanya dia, "tinggi ko bape??".
then, dia kata, "satu tujuh lbey kott".
monolog dalaman, "MAKKK AIHHH!!"

okay, enough!

pictures tak banyak la. kamera aku nih malam dia kurang sikitla coz lighting tak kuat. diorang tak habis2 suruh aku buat fb. *erm..ntahla sampai sekarang aku tak berminat lagi* tengokla, bila datang moodnya, aku buatla ye. but, best jumpa kawan2 lama. tanya balik pasal diorang, lepas tu sempat pulak mengimbau kenangan lama, ihtifal la, apela. macam2. sampai aku tercakap "twiit,twiit" pon diorang pergi cakap pasal main "chop2 la" *ala..permainan waktu jadik budak hingusan dulu..hua3*

mula2, aku sampai semua kata aku lain. ustazah la, ape la. act, aku tak kesah pon. janji jangan maki hamun aku sudah. but the thing is, i admit memang dari segi luaran, a little bit of change there. but still, aku tetap member korang yang dulu. yang pemalu dan gila. hik3. cuma, ada perkara baru yang aku dah jumpa and aku nak pegang benda nih sampai bila2..sampai mati. i can say that, i already found my purpose to live.

so, dont be afraid. aku masih nabilah, bella yang sama. *even, eqha n anys pon setuju*

okay, tu je kot. secara ringkasnya (ringkas ke??) my meeting with my old friends..insyaAllah if Allah permits i'm gonna meet up with them in the future and others too!

salam..^_^  

p/s: thanx utk stalker aku yang bertanya khabar aku nun jauh dari ipoh sana. *sory ye, takde mamat hensem la. yang cantek adelahhh..ahaha*

Monday 6 September 2010

cute.little.one.

assalamualaikum..

just wanna share something meaningful and thoughtful to all readers. to me, it's really cute yet very worth to think about especially for those Islamophobians *idk y but it sounds like amphibians..lol*. please if you see all negative things about islam, please check this out. it will answers every single thing, i shall say.

i'm doing the same, mie.hik3

 click here.

Saturday 4 September 2010

please.wake.up!

assalamualaikum...

usrah jumaat semalam sangatla menyentuh hati. memang terasa gila dengan pengisian semalam. tepat pada batang hidung aku. terima kasih ya Allah kerana telah memnyedarkan aku kembali. minggu2 ni aku selalu sangat leka dengan kerja2 IB nih sehingga aku lupa pada bulan apa yang aku sedang lalui.

readers,
ketahuilah ramadhan akan berlalu pergi...
lagi 6 hari saja lagi.


cuba kita reflect balik...
sejauh mana kekhusyukkan ibadah kita?
sejauh mana keikhlasan kita pada setiap ibadah kita?
sepanjang solat2 wajib dan sunat yang kita lakukan, adakah kita fokus hanya kerana Allah?
bukankah ramadhan ialah madrasah tarbiyyah kita?
bulan di mana kita membuat persediaan untuk melawan nafsu dan godaan syaitan!

lagi 6 hari lagi....
selepas itu, akan kembali syaitan2 yang menggoda,
akan kembali terbuka pintu neraka,
ramadhan akan meninggalkan kita...
cukupkah persediaan kita untuk menghadapi semula godaan syaitan itu?
adakah kita menahan lapar dahaga kerana bulan ini adalah ramadhan?
atau kita menahan lapar kerana Allah taala...?

lagi 6 hari saja ramadhan...
belum lagi syawalnya..
tapi, kenapa? aku lihat ramai yang sudah lupa akan ramadhan
semuanya gembira menanti syawal yang tidak lama lagi.
lupakah mereka 10 hari ramadhan ada Lailatul Qadr dalamnya?
di mana sepatutnya kita perlu menanti malam itu
kerana malam itu lebih baik dari 1000 bulan

"Sejahteralah (malam itu) sampai terbit fajar." 97:5

tidakkah kita malu?
bila mana apabila kita menyambut aidilfitri
hari raya ialah hari kemenangan umat islam
kemenangan apa yang dimaksudkan sebenarnya???
kemenangan menahan nafsu kita.!
tapi, jika sekarang pada 10 hari terakhir ini kita membeli sakan mengikut hawa nafsu, adakah kita layak menyambut aidilfitri?

aidilfitri ialah di mana kita kembali kepada fitrah kita yang sebenar
fitrah penciptaan kita, sebagai HAMBA ALLAH, 
yang mana satu hari kita akan kembali menemuiNYA
adakah kita lupa???

sebelum terlambat, marilah kita meriahkan lagi ramadhan ini.
walaupun tinggal 6 hari lagi, tak apa...bukankah Rahmat Allah itu luas..?
Allah sayangkan setiap hamba2nya..!

janganlah kita tenggelam dengan kesibukan penyediaan menyambut hari raya sehingga kita lupa pada kemanisan dan kemeriahan bulan Ramadhan.

waallahua'lam.

Friday 3 September 2010

it.is.just.a.waste.of your.time.

somehow...
i feel lost...
and i dont think that i still stand up straigh like what i've supposed to be..
to look strong
is not something worthy
to make them feel happy
is actually giving you a slight pain
i mean
it's a slight if you compared with your blessing
and to normal human being
it is NOT slight
no little at all
it seems to feel hurt

to pretend is not easy
but i'm learning
because if it's the only way that it should be
i say as long as everyone happy
i'm just okay with that
i dont mind if someone says
i'm weird
i'm clueless
or
"out of the way"
as long as it didnt disturb my priority
it's okay

i'm going to be like this
if everyone wants to
and in my heart,
there's a big thing going there
hustling-bustling like madness happens
a big-big "i'm not okay-i'm not okay"
i'm tired
do you get what i mean
but as long as
everyone okay
i'm just physically okay

but thankgod
i'm afraid
i'm scared
it's really useful
and sometimes it's make me hard to calm

what do we mean by laid back
is it calm?
or blur?

erm...i dont know about that
it's just my heart has this dilemma
and i dont know why Allah gave this
i believe something great waiting for me



*
as-syahidah is my dream!!!

Thursday 2 September 2010

apekah??

assalamualaikum...

nothing to say further. just to update the current situation for my own satisfaction. i shall say that ;

1) ToK presentation sangatla memenatkan otak aku!! tolongla Ya Allah, izinkan aku dapat memahami subjek yang sangat falsafah tahap moksya nih..!

2) aku tido sangatla lama. ini semua gara2 training netball 1 jam ke atas most of the evenings. penat aihhh. tak mengapa. kata nak rasa macamana ahli badar rasa. nah, rasakan..!?

3) adoi, bestnya tengok senior2 kmb aku nih. act, baru je lepas msg akak2 senior. kak ada nak fly scotland 17hb september, kak a.d. fly lepas raya pergi wales. bella?? pecah kepala pikir pasal nak lepas IB point 35. =_='"

4) subjek2 lain dalam kekacauan yang nyata. arghhh! nak wat lagu mana nih?! mintak maaf cikgu2 sekalian. saya sangatla pening kepala dengan ToK sampai saya tak pergi consult cikgu.

5) apakah kejadah CAS ini? CAS hours aku sikit kot. act, hours tu banyak, nak claim tu yang payah. *takde masa la nak tulis borang* haihhhh~~~

6) balik raya?? best ke? the answer is.. memang best!! tapi, bila memikirkan homework yang diberi *gaya macam cuti sebulan je* tapi, sebenarnya, dalam 2 minggu tu berapa hari je la aku ada masa nak siapkan homework. most of the holidays, aku kat kampong kot. takkan la aku nak usung homework aku dari perlis ke pahang then ke cheras balik..ish3.

7) saya kena cover untuk ielts pulak. i want 7 for ielts and IB subjects!! amin..

lastly, doakan aku ye. berkat, kesabaran dan keteguhan iman tu sangatla diperlukan. hadirnya SEBAIK-BAIK pelindung dan pemberi kekuatan is the most important thing for an IB student. perlunya untuk kita tahu mana sebenar2nya sumber kekuatan yang hakiki. the real one!! 

life's hard but that what made us learn about ourselves. all the things we did, will go back to our basic of life.

selau jugakla dialog ini keluar; HAL DUNIA INI SANGAT MEMENATKAN DAN ME'NENSI'KAN. 

kejar mana? dunia atau akhirat? the choice is yours. but i sure you know exactly what's the answer, rite?!