Monday, 7 April 2014

Assalamualaikum wbt

Hello there! Time to spill the feeling.

I started to have this kind of feeling during my last summer time here in Auckland where I was thinking of engaging with more of the things that I dont usually do. I was thinking you know to push myself out of this comfort zone and experience new things.

I remembered when I came here in Auckland I was so excited about the dakwah & tarbiyah here that I dont have any feeling towards being engage with non-akhawat people. I was too caught up in my akhawat that I was so keen to learn about the waqi' system and its dnt stuff. I was eager you know to be side of every kakak that I met and learn as much as I can from them. About the society around me? I dont bother at all.

So, the feeling changes a bit. I dont know if it's bad or not. I just wanna know how is it feeling to be part of different society. I wanted to have the expertise or the skill to mingle around the locals and work with them so that I can learn good things from them and practice it.

But, here I am. I am third year student now. I dont have any club that I actively be part of. But when this comes to my mind, I started to actually question myself;

What do you want actually, Bella?
Is this just the feeling of you want something and then when you felt it, you just "Oh, that's it. It's nothing actually." I just dont know. Back in my mind I was so inspired with people like Yuna and Shila Amzah who proved to me that actually you're a muslimah and you actually can go far and achieve what you want.

But that just make me want to question of "What do you want to achieve actually?"

This inner self sometime really want to see myself with the locals speaking to them, working with them. I even thought of working as a fresh graduate here in Auckland but somehow people around me show you can tend to be carried away by your Dunya when you're working here.

Back to the main questions, "Why do you want to have the skills to work with them? You're not even practice it in when you come back to your place"

I think Allah has given me the answer.

First, you answer this question: "What do you want to achieve?"

and then you can push yourself out of the comfort zone in context of achieving what you want. Get involved in society or clubs and working with them, that is not the only cool way to make you feel as a you-are-one-tough-girl. Or maybe you just wanna do that because people say it, because videos show that it's cool to be part of the clubs and stuffs.

I'm not saying that being active and engaging with society is a bad thing that you're actually influenced by media and stuff but I just want to make things clear of actually what actually are you thinking.

To speak about this, I realised I havent settled with my single life yet. I have to find myself first. I know Allah is the only one who has the answer. and I think I've already know the answer.

Actually I've already engaged in what I called as my route to Jannah. What I want. It's actually the coolest people's road. The prophet did that and his companions too. They get what they want - the eternal peace. So, bella, your target is not this Dunya. Your target is Akhirat.

What do you want?

I wanna be the coolest daie ever!
that never give up with all the challenges
that clearly settled of what my fikrah is
not a typical daie
I am way too cool to be a typical daie
I wanna be like one of the Sahabahs but I havent found one.
The coolest daie ever that can confront anything just to spread Islam to the World.
I have my own definition of being cool.
and I think I know what to do.


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