Few days before, there were so many things happened and suddenly my positive spirit is gone and my self-esteem became very very very low. I easily get sad and dissapointed with little petty things like making small mistakes (that people don't much care..just at that time) but I got soo much weak inside that I'm making myself content with that unhappy feeling all the time. YES, ALL THE TIME!
To be in that state is soo hard and painful. You can tell how mess I am from the previous post. I tried so much things, I keep on telling myself to lift up myself, hold on and doing many things to make me strong inside. I even bought a self-enrichment book just to make me get that strength. I was spiritually-exhausted. Being weak inside (especially) really tear me up.
Before this, I thought that the external factors (the people, works, etc.) are the roots of this nightmare. But I was wrong. It is my heart or precisely, my iman. That particular iman that weakens my inner strength. Today, Allah gave me a chance to realize it. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah!! It was when I watch a video of a former Filipina celebrity that embraced Islam. She talked about how lucky she was and she felt soo blessed to become a muslim. She feels Allah in her life!
That time, I knew it. Sincerely, I can say, my problem is I was not close to Allah. That feeling of bless to be a slave of Allah was not there in my heart. I'll never find peace and calm if Allah is not in my heart. It was such a big call for me. To keep on and maintain the divine feeling is so hard to do but I have to, just to make sure I find the TRUE HAPPINESS in my life. I know that there will be moments like this appear again in my life. So, I just have to put the efforts to maintain the feeling stay safely here, in my heart.
That feeling of warmth. The touch of Allah's love. I remember people said, it is hard to feel the Allah's love but once you feel it, you'll never want to let it go. The feeling of lucky to be the person among billions of people to be selected by Allah as His slave. There was an analogy that was given by one, if A is a student of Miss Angry, you'll imagine of how many times she was being scolded by his/her teacher. She even get punishment everyday if she did a mistake.
But we, Muslims, we are the slaves of Allah. We belong to Allah, and Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Gracious) and Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful). We'll absolutely know that we will get many nikmat (rewards) from Allah in our life. Indeed, it is absolutely correct!
Whenever I feel sad, I need to feel this feeling. In fact, I need it every seconds in my life. To feel the essence of Great Happiness. To know that Allah is always there for me. I really pray that Allah forgives all our sins and make us the people who succeed in this World and Hereafter. Aminn ya Rabbal 'Alamin.
Thanks very much for your time and peace be upon you.
I love to hear this song over and over again. If you free, do listen :)