For.those.murabbies.out.there.

Assalamualaikum wbt

Hi everyone. It's me again, writing as a way to heal my inside.

It's nearly December now. I've been back for good since last March - so total up would be 9 months. Since my bfg, I have my bfg circle that I tried to cater all these lovely sisters that were bfg-ed the same year as mine. We had our circle went on online cause everyone literally spread across Malaysia and none of us were close in distance. We had a few jaulahs together - to Penang and Kedah twice. 

So, in September I told everyone in the liqa' to find their own usrah in their own place so that all of us can focus on contributing more in dakwah at our own very place. And it's not that easy for everyone as everyone has their own struggle that they face even until now. Some of them has usrah dan dakwah work to do, some just are having usrah only and unfortunately some are still waiting. May Allah take care all of you, my dear akhawat. 

Me in this side of the world, alhamdulillah already in the waqi'. Trying hard to understand the waqi', get along with the new and old akhawats and the most hardest part is to remember everyone's single name - OMG it's really hard! I ended up asking their name every time I met them and they're doing the same thing as well. HAHA. Alhamdulillah I'm blessed that Allah still put me in the place that really need people to work for dakwah and tarbiyah. Every week, every month, there will be so many things to plan, discuss, finalise, work and to conduct it. 

I am currently consider myself as a RUNNER whereby I help akhawat who work on this particular katibah and also my busy HO usrati for her anak-anak usrah. Still, to this very time, I haven't had any legit anak usrah. I do have known these few adiks from my university and we did have sharing a few times but still I don't really focus on them either as I put my energy a lot on these two things I said earlier. However, not having a legit usrah is really a missing piece inside of me. 

For those murabbies out there who might be having a severe breakdown with your anak-anak usrah, I would say take a few moments to pause and say alhamdulillah. I can say I'm literally feeling like I miss something or I am lonely partly because of this. Not staying with akhawat and not having anak usrah are really like a nightmare to me. It's going to make me feel way and way more lonely by myself. 

Whenever I saw these students in musolla that I pray every single and I look at their behave, I'm like, "There are so many things to do, yet you even don't have an usrah to work on it." It's such a painful reflection. 

I hope I can contribute more and more for the betterment of this ummah, not by conducting a public communal program with society cause everyone else do that. But by tarbiyah, nuturing the soul deep down inside with pure understanding and knowledge of Islam. 

I miss it so much. Especially when you're seeing everyone surrounds are very busy with their dnt stuffs but not you. 

Pray a lot for me. Thanks for reading.