Fireworks.

Kau tahu kenapa fireworks cantik sangat?
Sebab dia menyinar dalam tengah pekat malam
Takde apa yang kita lihat selain dia
Memancar sinar sampai ke hujung mata kita
Saat kita lihat dia berkembang menerang
Mata kita makin terbuka
Mulut kita pun terbuka ternganga melihat keindahannya

Cahaya
bersinar
memang fitrah manusia suka cahaya kan?
Boleh bayang bila kau jumpa Allah kat dalam syurga?
Subhanallah really amazing kan.

Nur
not just hidayah
it means happiness as well

Dengar buat benda ni rasa macam best nama ada Nur
It means happiness
Buat rasa kehadiran aku di dunia somehow berguna pada manusia
Sempat buat manusia gembira
Dan aku harap hingga selamanya
Paling penting buat Allah gembira

Daie pun begitu kan
Rasulullah tak pernah orang lihat rasa duka
Ke mana sahaja dia pergi
dia bawa cahaya
cahaya itu be it as a hidayah which means satu happiness
Eternal happiness mengenali Allah itu
Sebab itu ada orang kata, "Happiness is the truth."
(Tapi kadang2 aku bantah gak sebab ada kebenaran dalam bentuk kepahitan, bukan.)

Terus menjadi cahaya buat umat di luar sana.
Bukan awan hitam menggelapkan hati manusia.

Adios
Salam.

plan.bfg.nakal.

Salam everyone,

This is me here in Auckland for the second day of 2016. I am occupied myself with cleaning the clothes, doing chores, get things properly arranged in store and toilet. Tomorrow, insyaAllah will go to Kmart to buy some stuff for myself and the house as well. There's upcoming spotcheck next week and I need the house to be cleaned or else somehow we can get fined.

About work, still no progress. Hurmm..not to say much but really everyone's doa for this. I am sure that Allah gonna give me the best for myself to work on my huge responsibility that I bear right now. If you can make a doa for me to get the best job/postgrad-diploma, it would be reallllllyyyy helpful.

Just wanna talk a little bit thing here, not really feel to write huge here.

Now, everyone's in the starting phase for everything. Akhawat yang bfg tengah cari halatuju nak gerak macamana di Malaysia, ada yang dah dapat tempat, ada yang still terkontang-kanting, ada yang blur etc. Well, I hope whatever happened, stay strong there! Kita dah lebih kurang 3,4 tahun ditarbiyah and we're ones of the lucky people that are chosen by Allah to really embrace Islam and live with the spirit of it. Islam yang kita rasa Islam buat kita jadi hamba, buat rasa disayangi Allah. Now, that's not gonna be taken away from jahiliyah and the time ever.

Buat yang masih mencari dan tiada follow-up, kakak-kakak dan akhawat yang berpengalaman pernah cakap, sebab tunggu orang datang follow-up tarbiyah memang lambat (it's still happening until now padahal dah lama masalah ini.)

1. CARI MEDAN AMAL

- pergilah join mana-mana tajmik yang korang dengar ada drpd any akhawat atau kita sendiri tanya akhawat
- kalau takde pergilah cari sekolah lama ke kolper lama ke atau sekolah menengah/kolper yang dekat tempat kita nak bermastautin/currently living.
- from there, bila dah beramal, at least kita terus ada urgensi nak mendapatkan tarbiyah. Yelah, dah gerak kan, memang kene isi minyakla. kalau tak hancus.

2. CARI TARBIYAH / ISI MINYAK

- bila dah rasa, teruslah tanya mana2 akhawat atau murabbi2 lama yang ada connection ke then mintak contact number. tryla contact, cakap nak tumpang usrah ke ape sementara waktu.

3. CARI KAWAN PEMIKIR

- lagi best kalau kita ada partner in crime yang dapat tolong kita dengan dakwah since belum ada murabbi yang boleh buat benda ini. so contact akhawat tanah tumpahnya tarbiyah kita dulu or murabbi lama. mintak la nak borak 10 atau 20 minit, mesti diorang okay punya.

- partner in crime bertujuan membantu banyak dalam halatujukan medan kita ni macamana dari segi taarif, takwin dan tanfiz.

Aku tak tahu la. Mungkin akan ada je orang yang bantah apa yang aku tulis ini. Kena ikut sistem yang telah ditetapkan tapi ini bila sistem tak dapat bantu, maka diri sendirilah kena bantu. Dzatiyah dakwiyah, kita belajar dah kan.

Gaya aku cakap ini takdelah bagus sangat. Serius, sebenarnya tak bfg lagi. Tapi insyaAllah ini pun sebenarnya plan aku lah untuk bfg nanti.

Buat sementara waktu sekarang ini, aku datang ke sini untuk prepare apa yang patut sebelum aku bfg lagi beberapa bulan. Lagi 6 bulan je aku kat sini.

Last wish, tolong doakan aku dapat kerja yang elok utk aku terus buat dakwah di sini dan menepati expectation family aku. Moga kerja yang aku dapat ini advantage utk masa depan aku bfg nanti.

Fi amanillah. I'm signing out!

very.normal.post.

Play "The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build a Home"

[Beware this is an emotional expression]

Hi there, everyone!

Assalamualaikum wbt

Finally, next week I'm gonna be back in Auckland, NZ. Not for further studying as MARA didn't respond at all to my application of sponsorship for my postgrad diploma. Well, I am used to receive all these rejections. People who reject us really knock us down, aye?

To me, these days, rejection is almost blended well in my life right now. I applied for like 15 (or more than that) job opportunities but everything I got back is just "we are sorry to say that your application is not successful." Yup, thank you very much. At least they replied, aren't they?

Sincerely, everything looks like gonna fall apart. Well, I used to say that, am I? What a negative mind I have. I tried to be positive. I did research on it like I read few webpage on being and stay positive. I tried hard not to think bad about what happened. But somehow, I just cannot help it. You know, looking at the sisters left in Auckland makes me worried much. Is it going to be strong enough to maintain there in Auckland? Or New Zealand I suppose to say. Penggerak dakwah is getting smaller in number. There are places with really really small in number but tonnes of people coming there. I don't mind with the numbers actually. I'm thinking about the burden that they're gonna bear. I hope they'll stay strong and I hope I am as well.

I was thinking, am I able to do something for New Zealand. At least build one pelapis pemikir for one locality that will stay more than 2 years to maintain the dakwah in New Zealand. Like what the older sisters had done to me, I wanna do that again to others. That's one that always make me thinking and stressing about.

In my current condition, I am unemployed. Did not have the chance to get further my study because of the condition of the economy now, being trying to get job in New Zealand but still did not have one (insyaAllah coming soon, I guess) is stressful. It become more stressful that you feel you are alone to have this kind of life. Feel like no one's there to understand your situation. Haha. Did you see that? Being negative is super duper easy! (hate it so muchhh). I just hope that this situation will be ended very soon.

Actually, what's other thing that I feel besides frustration and stress?

I know that I'm going back to Auckland is for dakwah. Yup, people can simply said what a sad life I have whenever they asked me "What you're going to do?" and I say, "Im not really sure, though." But one thing for sure that I feel is I feel a lot more self-talking to myself and Allah. Whenever I read Quran and I encounter some ayats, it's like it really goes straight to your heart. I really love whenever I feel being supported by my good friends and especially by Allah and His words.

I am sure that non-believers would never feel the same as I was. You feel like Allah got your back and you just have to patient (which is really really really hard!) and insyaAllah you believe Allah will give you the best result of all.

I am coming to conclusion about my life that yeah my life is not made up of people's expectation. My life is not like what I think I could be. I haven't thought in my life I'm going back in Auckland for dakwah. I really cannot make people happy with my life as my life is not really smooth like everyone thought it gonna be. I am just a weak servant that try hard and struggling a lot with my life and I strongly feel that Allah will make my life the best for me.

Being adult is really hard, aye? There are times that I feel like there are good things if you die at young age. You don't have bigger responsibilities. You dont have to feel the pain. But anyway, if I really die at young age, please imagine that is Allah really accept what have I done so far with my life? I believe it's not.

There are tonnes of things that I bear right now which is really hard for me. I hope I can tell you a lot about it. But it's not easy to tell a difficult tangled story. I'll try if I can in the next post (if I want to).

Till then,

Salam and peace out.