Birthday.2021.

Assalamualaikum wbt. Now it's almost 1am in the morning. I've just finished usrah at 12am plus and then replied some chats on my whatsapp and telegram and now here we go! I have lofi music playing in the background and ready to write some questions to reflect on my life journey so far. 

Let's go! 

 1. What is your age now?

This year is pretty much special cause I'm entering my 3 series now! OMG never thought that I witness a 30-year old bella but alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal, Allah is still giving me His blessings to live up to this age and may Allah keep on giving His blessings and love to me so that I can always work hard just to seek for His redha. 

2. Describe yourself now? 

I'm doing good now. I'm enjoying my WFH status and I love it! I really love to work from home cause I can do so many things at the same time with my own time and my own space. No traffic jem, no wasted time on travel, save money. Alhamdulillah. 

I'm currently preparing for my Masters viva. Still waiting for the date and I have pretty much finished reading my thesis which I saw there are so many mistakes. Huhu. I just hope that I could pass my viva and submit my correction asap and graduate. I pray hard to Allah for giving me pass my masters with flying colours. Aminn ya rabb. 

3. How do you find yourself now?

 

I find myself as a confident and strong lady. I am still single and not available (?) I don't know, it's still not that certain. I put all this situation to Allah. If Allah allows me to end my single life with the best life partner dunia akhirat, Alhamdulillah I am so grateful with this blessing. If Allah wants me to be single for my whole life in this Dunya, I accept it with redha in my heart insyaAllah. I am praying to Allah to put me in the best situation which takes me closer to Him and on the right path. Whatever situation is, I just want to be on this straight path towards Him. As long as I have Allah, then I am happy. That's it. 

I feel like I have begin to enter the acceptance phase with my life situation. I am happy and grateful to have my family with me, I have my akhawat with me and I am still on my dnt journey. Alhamdulillah! That's so much blessings in my life now.  

4. What is one thing that you really learn now?

I think I learn to help myself to see more of my blessings in my life than to see whatever that I lack in my life. Don't get me wrong, I still feel I am lesser when I saw my friends' posts/stories of their new house, marriage life, new family, new baby etc. Those things still get me but it does not affect me so much compared to years before this. 

With this balance of my lifetime, especially as a single lady, I really want to make the most out of it for what I love to do -  serving my family and of course, my DNT! I want to use this time that I have to improve myself - for a better Bella with a strong mindset, strong physical, strong iman, strong patience, beautiful akhlak, improved hafazan and arabic. Phewww~ There are so many things to achieve, aye! 

5. State your current words that you always say now?

I think my current words that I always say now is my doa. This year of Ramadhan, I really learn about making doa to Allah. Everyday, I try to make my doa as sincere as I can to Allah. And the doa is just the same; I will start with complimenting Allah, say Asmaul Husna that are suitable to my doa later like al-mujib, al-ghafur, al-afuww, al-fatah, al-'aleem, ar-rahman, ar-raheem. Then I will send salam to Rasulullah, His beloved prophet and continue with stating my weaknesses and my lacking as His servant. I state my sins and my wrongdoings with a feeling of regret and sadness as much as I can. 

Then I will making my way with my doa; my hope and wish only to Allah cause He is my God; who can grant all my doa and make these happen. He knows what the best for me and He will surely let only good things happen to me, be it something that I look for or not. My pray is for my parents, siblings, family, akhawat, anak usrah, teachers, all muslimin, my future life partner and my future generation, my rezeki and job opportunity, my Jannatul Firdaus and many more. 

May Allah makes my heart, my iman and my patience strong to go on this hardship phase of life. 

6. Any advice for past Bella? 

Hey sad Bella, be strong okay. This will get better soon insyaAllah. Those people surround you love and care about you. Your family, especially Mama, really the best person you have, to go through this life journey. She always care and love you and hope for the best for you. And your akhawat too, they really taught you about life as a servant and as a daie that you should be. Without them, I don't know what will happen to you. 

Things will get better soon biiznillah! 

7. What do you want to tell future Bella?

Dear future Bella, I hope you'll become much better version of me right now. I want you to know that whatever it is, just hold on to your faith, hold on to Allah and qiamullail, be with Allah is the most precious moment of your lifetime! It's what makes you going on now! 

Okay, I think that's it. I really love you, Bella. I just hope the best for you! May Allah grants us the Highest Jannah and the status of as-Syahidah. Amin ya rabb! 

Till then, bye! <3