embarassed.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Warghhh! I felt so embarassed when I asked one of my friends who is superb in English. She helped me to correct grammar in my latest poem and it turned out to be ELEVEN grammatical error!! What can I say, my English is soo bad. Huhuhu. But never mind, I have to keep writing in English so then, I can improve it, right?

I have corrected the grammar in my latest poem but not yet in the video. I don't know how people react when they watch the video..-__-" They must be like, "Too many grammar error, CAN'T WATCH!" ;O

Uh-oh!

I'm so sorry for my grammar. Yup, I am weak at it. InsyaAllah I'll try to improve it. If you notice any grammar mistake in my blog, please correct it by putting your comment in the post. Thank you. May Allah repay you. ^_^

Peace out!

it.happens.in.a.blink.of.eye.

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah, I'm finished making my first public video. Earlier, I thought I was not going to participate but I don't know why, three days ago, the organizer did say like he has not found the video that he waits for. So, I guess why don't I try to make a video? It does not give any harm to me, in fact if this video succeed to potray what I try to point out, it will be a good antidote for many people. 

But, seriously, I just make it for the sake of reminding myself. I am really a total imperfect servant of Allah, so I need more and more reminder for myself. That's why I think of making the video. 

I admit I did feel like "Can I make a video?" I doubted myself as I don't have any expertise on making good video. I just did based on the experience of watching others video. ( Fyi, I really like to watch video since I was in high school. Whenever there's a video to show in any occasion or during tazkirah etc, I am the one who really get excited and will try to find the best place so that I can watch the video with no disturbance at all..hehe). To me, talent does not come from people, it comes from you, yourself. What I meant here is, you cannot wait for people to say "Wow, you're such a talent in _____!" then you will start to become serious with that work. In my opinion, you are the one who determine either you have the talent or not. 

Yes, in some situations, my opinion doesn't work. But, what I'm trying to say (especially to myself) is just do it. Only then, you know that you're good or not. (Remember that, bella! Remember!!) 

InsyaAllah, I hope it will give benefits to people who watch it. You can watch it too. If you want to share with your friends, just share the video only, not the one who made the video. This is serious!! I am not doing any joke. Please don't tell others about the video maker, just tell about the video only. Okay??

The Traveller's Dream (is actually a video of my recent poem)

Peace be upon you. Thanks for reading. ^_^

it's.quite.hard.i.must.say.

Assalamualaikum..

Kia ora!! (opps..looks like someone got so excited to go to nz..haha)

Okey, let me share something that I thought this morning. But before that, just want to share some of my updates. 

Alhamdulillah, my visa is approved and my passport is already with the agent. InsyaAllah today my dad will be going to the agency to take my passport (with the visa on it) back. No worry anymore about passport! Thank you Allah. :) Before this, I'm worried a lot about my passport, to be precise not only me but my parents too.

The other one is MARA's agreement. Last friday, my mom helped to take the agreement from MARA office. So, I think I am the first one who get the agreement, many of my friends haven't received it yet (because posting can be soo "fast"). I need to finish it before next monday as I have to send it to MARA on that day. Actually, the deadline is on the 23rd December but insyaAllah, I'll not be here in my country for a period of time. That's why I need to send it earlier to MARA. Or else, I dont know what to say. Just hope and pray that I can make it on time. huhu..

Let's move on, shall we?

About the thing that I want to share is actually about myself, I mean my experience. Frankly, I was (and still a little a bit, am) a person who really cannot receive any critics anything about me like my work (especially), my performance in sport, my idea, my appearance and whatever you think about me. Yup, I used to be so conservative when it comes to point out comments/idea and to receive it. I can be soo disappointed and frustrated if someone critics me or says that I'm not good enough for this and that. Such a spoiled kid, right? There are many cases of my life where I mad at someone who likes to critics what/who I adore. To me, if you dont like it, just go away and get something that you like. fullstop. 

Somehow, I feel like the people who critics me are not appreciates my effort at all. 

Sincerely, this attitude is not good. People can give critics just to help me to improve what I did. Even, the critics from your enemy is can be helpful than the 'good' comments from your friends give just for the sake of afraid of making you unhappy. Yeah, I heard a motivator said *not the exact meaning*, "Do listen to your enemy cause they really see your weaknesses. So take it and improve that there shall be no weaknesses he will mention in the future". It's a good thing for you, huh?! 

My problem is because whenever, I get critics, I am too focus on my weakness that I didn't see beyond that which is there is a weakness to improve! 

But, to receive the critics takes a lot of courage and professionalism for me to not get emotional for it. That's what happen to me. I simply take the critics to my heart. T_T. 

InsyaAllah, from now, I'll try my best to receive critics with no heart feeling and use it to improve my quality. I know it'll be so hard for me to do this, but for the sake of Allah, insyaAllah I try. Pray the best for me!

Thanks for reading. May Allah bless you. 

the.traveller's.dream.

"The Traveller's Dream" by silentdreamer

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

this is my dream
this is what i want to be

One day,
I realized of how beautiful it is to be one of Your slave!
I clearly see what a magnificent life when I get to know deeply of who You are
that sense of belonging flushed away all the 'solitary' air
I begin to breathe with a new fresh air
and until now, Alhamdulillah, I still breathe in that 'slavery' air.

But,
whenever I walk through any house,
sometimes the air got so thin that I couldn't bare to breathe
sometimes the air got so fresher that I wish to spend there forever

Seeing the house that full of hatred, misunderstanding and false attachment
really breaks my heart to many pieces.
I cried and at the same time, talking to myself,
"There's so many things that I have to do! I have to keep pushing myself hard, I really need to work hard as the air of 'slavery' is getting thin. Oh, how I wish that they could feel the bless of breathing the 'slavery' air!"

Whenever I crossed the house that full of the determined yet humble fighters
I will close my eyes, deeply breathing the essence of their fresher 'slavery' air
Inside, I vow to myself that one day, I want to become one of them.
They are the ones who are not afraid of anything except Allah
They are the ones who will do whatever it needs to please Allah
They are the ones who are not easily give up in the road of Allah
These are the people that Allah loves eternally

The warriors that will fight with their heart loudly say;
"I HAVE COME TO FREE YOU FROM THE SERVITUDE OF THE SLAVE AND BRING YOU TO THE SERVITUDE OF THE LORD OF THE SLAVE".

this is my dream
this is what i want to be.

these.coming.days.

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah now, im getting better emotionally and spiritually. spending days with the loved ones is one of the best gifts in my life. although something that i dont please happened, insyaAllah Allah knows the best and He is the best planner. Allah did say in At-Taghabun, verse 11 that every bad things happened is with the permission of Allah. Allah loves cares aut His slaves, so He will not pemits anything that will destroy us.

So, I just wanna share sort of my resolution for every day in my life. because I want to improve myself to become a very super duper great muslim, so i need to do this, insyaAllah.

As Yahya bin Muaz advised;

BERJIHADLAH MELAWAN NAFSU DENGAN RIADAH (LATIHAN ROHANI). latihan rohani ada empat perkara :

1. eat little
2. short sleep
3. talk when you need to talk, not when you want to talk
4. being patient with others

these things that i really need to instill and make it become apart of me. all the best! fightin! :

if.only.you.understand.

I want to write this for this particular person but I knew she didnt know about this.

I just hope that Allah can cross what i'd written in her mind. 

actually, i felt so terrible that i decide not to go. i know all of you have wogthrking hard for it but sadly, i cannot come. it was a devastating to do this. i know how it feels when people just dissapoint for doing what i did. 

if only you understand why i cannot come, 

if only you are one of my therapist friends, 

this terrible guilty feeling will not keep juggling inside my heart and my mind. 

seriously, i am so sorry for dissapointing you but the most unbearabke guilt that i cannot run away from it is the guilt for myself. i knew i wronged myself if i cannot go there. but whzt can i do? 

i cannot the blame the 9ne who creates this plot of my life..

i cannot blame my destiny for i am the one who decide this..

i only have Allah with me and i surrender to Him, begging Him, to make you think somehow of what my life is now. 

insyaAllah bella, our life is not about people, but is about Allah.. 

i.really.need.to.post.this.