Tabassam.Smile.

"Lejen muslimah kena selalu senyum, sebarkan cinta bagi orang merasa kekuatan utk terus melangkah dalam dnt" (Haliza)

Semenjak dua menjak ni, aku selalu perasan akhawat banyak suruh aku senyum. Yelah, aku ini peribadi dahla tegas, muka pon serius, mana adik2 nak rapat dgn aku. Selalulah jugak takde mood. Tapi bukan kehendak aku, muka mcm hape je ni. 

Bukan senang kau stress, kau sedih, kau penat, kau banyak fikir tapi kau kena tetap senyum depan orang. Kena pulak aku jenis tak pandai menipu. Apa aku rasa itu aku tunjuk. 

Ya Allah, Ya Rasulullah, macamana Rasulullah yang sangat busy dan orang paling berat taklifan kat dunia ini tak pernah lekang pada senyuman di mukanya. Aku sgt inspired bila dengar kata-kata sahabat Rasulullah ni yang dia tak pernah jumpa Rasulullah dalam keadaan tidak pernah mengukir senyuman. He is one awesome man in the world. Rasa rindu sgt pada Rasulullahh T_T 

Baru-baru ini jugak jumpa lagu ini. I would say, this is my recent favourite song! Moga aku kuat terus meng-improve diri. Tarbiyah aku sekarang ni mengajar aku utk try buat something yang semua orang susah nak buat. Mengukir senyuman di saat kau tak rasa nak senyum. ~_~

All in all, tabassam bella tabassam! Kerana Rasulullah pun sentiasa tersenyum.

Tabassam - Lyrics: تبسّم

بتعقّد ليه في حياتك؟
(Why do you complicate your life?)

و بتحزن و تتأثّر
(Why the sadness and despair?)

لو كنت ناسي تذكّر
(If you forgot then remember…)

سيرة نبينا و فكّر
(The life of our Prophet, and contemplate…)

اسمع كلامه تفاءل
(Follow his advice and be optimistic)

بَشّر و لا تنفّر
(Give glad tidings, do not scare people away)

و وحّد الله في قلبك
(And allow none but Allah in your heart)

قادر في عسرك ييسّر
He has the power to turn your hardship into ease)

Chorus:
صَلِّ علي النبي و تبسم
(Send blessings upon the Prophet and smile!)

ده النبي تبسم و تبسم
(For the Prophet smiled and smiled)

ده النبي تبسم
(For the Prophet smiled)

اللهم صَلِّ عليه
(O Allah, send Your blessings upon him)

قوم صَلِّ و ادعِ من قلبك
(Stand up to pray and supplicate from your heart)

هيبعد الهمّ عنك
(He will take your worries away)

طول ما أنت مؤمن بربك
(As long as you believe in your Lord…)

هيكون عند حسن ظنك
(He will be as your good opinion is of Him)

و قول يا رب أنا عبدك - يا الله
(And say “O Lord, I am your slave - O Allah!”)

راضي بقضائك و عدلك - يا الله
(“I am content with Your decree and Your justice - O Allah!")

اعقلها بس و توكّل
(Do your part and then rely on Him)

و خلِّ على الله أملك ، و صَلِّ
(And pin all your hopes on Allah, and pray)

جبت اليأس منين؟
(Where did all this despair come from?)

قلِّي إيمانك فين؟
(Tell me, where is your faith gone?!)

كله بأمر الله
(Everything that happens is by the will of Allah)

wahai.jiwa.yang.merdeka.

Para syuhada' semua sedang bergembira di Syurga sana..
Kau bila lagi Bella?
Bila?

Ya Allah, matikan aku sewaktu imanku berada di puncak
Ya Allah, berikan aku syahid di jalanMu
Ya Allah, jadikan kematianku kematian yang menghidupkan hati-hati yang lalai
Ya Allah, berikanlah kami husnul khatimah
Allahumma aminn

أّيهَا الأحرَارُ سيروا للخُلُود .. واعْبُرُوا جِسرَ المَنَايَا واللُّحُود
Wahai jiwa yang merdeka, teruskan perjalanan yang abadi... (para Syuhada')
Dan lintaslah atas jambatan kematian dan lahad-lahad..

إنَّمَا تُدرَكُ بالمَوتِ العُلا .. وكَذَا الأمجَادُ بالسِيْفِ تَعُود
Sesungguhnya ketinggian darjat itu diraih dengan kematian.. (syahid)
Dan begitu juga kemuliaan, akan kembali dengan pedang (jihad)

لاَحَتِ الجنّاتُ مِن خَلفِ العِدَى .. فاعْبُرُوا الأَهوَال للمِجدِ التَلِيد
Syurga Allah sedang bersinar2 di belakang para musuh..
Maka lintasilah halangan2 (musuh) itu menuju kemuliaan yang agung

لا تهابوا زمرةَ اللِّيْلِ فَمَن .. يَعتَصِم بالله حتمًا سَيَسُود
Jangan takuti kegelapan malam, maka barangsiapa
Berpegang teguh dengan Allah (janji n syariatNya) sudah pasti akan menang (atau memimpin dunia)

موعِدُ الحَسِمِ أتَى فلتُقدِمُوا .. لَقِّنُوا البَاغِين درسًا فِي الصُمُود
Waktu perjuangan telah tiba maka majulah ke depan..
Ajarlah musuh-musuh ingkar itu satu pelajaran, tentang ketabahan (kamu)

واقْلَعُوا الأَشْوَاكَ مِن جَنَّاتِهَا .. وازْرَعُوهَا مِن جَدِيدٍ بالوُرُود"
Dan cabutlah duri-duri itu dari tanahnya (tamannya)....
Dan tanamkanlah semula di tempat itu dengan mawar-mawar (yang harum)

Moga kita terus kuat..

passion.and.love.

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah ya Rabb! Allah still gives me chance to work hard for him. Alhamdulillah Allah still gives me the passion in what I am doing rite now. Doing the coolest job on Earth – being a murabbi and study J I am so grateful for what Allah has done to me. He always cares and my life always progressed day by day. Be it cheerful or painful.

These second semester brought me in a phase of life that I would say make me realise this is a serious matter. Things become more serious, more responsibility and more dedication. You’re not a kid anymore, bella. Yesterday, my mom told me that she dreamt of me, crying. She texted me asking if there’s anything happened to me or do I am in the middle of money problem or what. I was smiled when she said to me about this as I remembered one of my ukht told me that her mother dreamt about her a few days ago. Maybe this is what gonna happen when you don’t spend time with your family. My mother is missing me, I conclude.

Yeah, I admit that this semester already saw in many situations. Be it stressed, crying so hard cause you’re so tired that you cannot do anything except from cry and act tough. I’m not gonna tell bad things to my mom as I want her to be in ease and happy. I would say all those ‘negative’ situation were not bad at all. They taught me a lot and build so much feelings towards dakwah. When you’re emotionally engaged with something, that means you’re ‘enjoying’ the thing. Do you get what I mean?

This path is not a very ‘dry’ path, I would say. It takes many things from you, and that’s what makes you really can relate emotionally to people who were in this path before like Rasulullah, all the prophets, companions and others. That’s the thing that you cannot get anywhere else other than being in this path. This is what makes this path so special that you’re not just know you God and your purpose in life but you live in what you believe. You can feel yourself so ‘live’ that you enjoy all the challenges that Allah prepares for you. Then, you can say that Islam is the way of life. Islam is neither in the form of knowledge nor in the form of feeling only. It’s what you live with and what you live for.

I pray to Allah that He always keep me in this path with all my sisters and brothers throughout the nation. May Allah keep us steadfast and grant us more understanding in this path that makes us keep on moving and get working even more.

It is so heart-wrenched to hear some of the people’s perception to me and others doing this work but I know that as long as we work hard to spread Islam to people in proper planning and strategies, all those comments are not valid. I am human, I cannot satisfy many people. You, yourself, are as well. You don’t even satisfy me when you produced such words. I pray that both of us keep on working to be the best in the eyes of Allah. May Allah grant us Jannah insyaAllah.

In the end, this life is not about you or me, it’s about who is more pleased by Allah. Allah is the main character in this life. That’s it.

Keep on praying for us, our mutarabbi to be the people who have such a strong relationship with Allah, such a great akhlak and great support of materials to be used for His cause. Allahumma amin.

Daie.Lejen.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang

Banyak sangat yang aku lalui minggu ini. Semua benda berkumpul daripada minggu-minggu lepas lagi tapi aku rasa kemuncaknya minggu ini.

Ya Allah betapa peritnya rasa mujahadah ini
betapa peritnya struggle yang Kau berikan pada aku ini
Betapa kita usaha tapi masih banyak lagi benda yang tak berubah
In fact rasa macam makin teruk

Marahnya aku pada orang yang tak memahami beban aku
Marahnya aku pada orang yang selamba berkata benda yang tak betul
selagi mana orang punya mulut orang boleh berkata
tapi aku yang bersabar yang perlu menahan rasa

Ya Allah betapa peritnya semua ini
Yang kejar tak dapat yang dikendong berciciran

Aku banyak struggle dgn dnt dan study
Fikir sana fikir sini
Assignment dues
Meeting
Dengan lectures nak kena review
Dah la stress dgn software bioinformatics
Ditambah pulak dgn statement seorang ini yang memang terus menghiris hati aku
Buat kepala aku diketuk sekuat-kuatnya;
Apa memang aku ini tengah "Yang dikejar tak dapat yang dikendong berciciran" kahhhhh??!!!

Ya Allah aku redha atas segala ujian yang Kau beri
Moga ini menjadi bekalan utk aku tempuh masa hadapan
Aku tahu utk membawa Islam di masa hadapan
banyak benda yang aku kena hadapi
impian kita besar weyh
nak bawak Islam sampai ke UA
kalau setakat mini-musuh pun kau tak dapat handle
apatah lagi yang BESAR dan REAL punye?!

Come on Bella
Takkan nak menyerah macam tu je!
Kau dah sampai tahap ini!
Allah bagi kau rasa macamana nak jadi Erdogan in the future nanti
macamana rasa jadi Mursi in the future nanti
dalam tahapan yang kau boleh pikul sekarang ini

Bella yang aku kenal takkan pernah putus asa
Bella yang aku kenal takkan patah semangat
Bella yang aku kenal akan sentiasa bangkit walau tersungkur berulang kali
Maka bangkitlah dan berjuang, Bella!

Rasulullah tatkala dibaling batu cedera parah di Thaif pun
Baginda bangkit berdakwah dgn kasih sayang pada Addas

Inilah masanya utk kau rasa what's the true feeling of being a true daie
Lejen takkan pernah dapat cabaran ciput
Lejen takkan pernah sibuk dgn benda kecil
Lejen akan kuat semangat memikul beban
Buat yang terbaik utk ummah

Kuatkan semangat, Bella!
Kesakitan yang paling dalam akan membuahkan perasaan yang paling tegar
Kita buat saja kerja kita
Biar Allah yang tentukan keputusanNya

Ingat kembali momen itu
Tatkala kau berdoa dalam hatimu, berbisik kepadaNya;
"Ya Allah andai dengan ini aku dapat meraih redha dan syurgaMu, maka aku redha atas ketentuanMu"

Selamat berjuang, Bella!
Moga kau dapat syahid yang kau dambakan selalu, Allahumma amin!

Finding.what.actually.you.want

People always want they like
even though it's a wrong thing to do
whenever what they want is restricted from them
they said there's no freedom or this against the human right

How bad it is
as long as they like it
they say it's the right thing

Well, how do you know what's your like is the right thing to do?
Is it because you get support from the people who see what you do?
Actually, do you just want to do what you like
or you want to do what is right
called, the truth?

What's your evidence that's the truth?
Is it just based on your feeling and others'?
Human can go wrong
Human has limitation
Human even some of them, do not know whether they are true or not
How can that be?

To me,
It's a simple as what you actually want
The best 'feeling' or the truth?

If it's just the pleasure of yourself
then you're not gonna always find the truth
and not all the things you think are right is true
If it's vice versa,
then seek the truth.
If you just following the thoughts of human, then you'll somehow not gonna find it.

Look around you,
Look at the surrounding, nature and people,
there are tonnes of answers for the question of your truth.
Seek from it.

To make things easy, I would suggest you to find what's your purpose of life
why you, human, live here or exist?
Like a quote that I found before, Seek ye shall find.

Read Quran Chapter 2 Verse 30 and Chapter 51 Verse 56

My.wishlist.

Assalamualaikum wbt dear bloggie,

Alhamdulillah Allah gave me time to write for you. I just want to tip some of my wishlist that I really really really to achieve in these few years.

1. Memorising of AlQuran. (maybe like for juz 30, 29 &28 for beginning)
2. Memorising 40 hadith of imam nawawi's collection
3. Master the arabic language to the extant that when I recite the AlQuran I dont really need translation to understand it.

You know, listening to stories of two people who present in my life and I can say somehow they have the same way of life as mine, have memorised AlQuran for 15 juz and 11 juz is just so awesomeeeee! Seriously!

This sister of mine just started memorising AlQuran 6 years ago (during her tarbiyah period) and done for 11 juz! *jawdropped*. I was like, "what about you, bella? you have been in tarbiyah for like 5 years, how many juz have you memorised?!" *faint*

InsyaAllah I really need to manage my time to be able achieving this wishlist..may Allah give barakah in my life. allahumma amin.

Sweet.23

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

Thank you Allah for so much love that you gave it to me and still giving me. I am blessed with all precious love and wishes that i received today.

At the same time, i feel so regretful for i was not pushing myself to do all out for dakwah & tarbiyah. Especially in my study.

May Allah pays all of every kindness with the best reward to Jannah. I am so humbled to receive this much love.

Great love comes with great responbility. May Allah strengthen our iman & make us tsabat in His road.

I love everyone for the sake of Allah. I have to improve more and more for the sake of Allah.

Alhamdulillah againnn.

of.what.I.want.and.what.I.supposed.to

Assalamualaikum wbt

Hello there! Time to spill the feeling.

I started to have this kind of feeling during my last summer time here in Auckland where I was thinking of engaging with more of the things that I dont usually do. I was thinking you know to push myself out of this comfort zone and experience new things.

I remembered when I came here in Auckland I was so excited about the dakwah & tarbiyah here that I dont have any feeling towards being engage with non-akhawat people. I was too caught up in my akhawat that I was so keen to learn about the waqi' system and its dnt stuff. I was eager you know to be side of every kakak that I met and learn as much as I can from them. About the society around me? I dont bother at all.

So, the feeling changes a bit. I dont know if it's bad or not. I just wanna know how is it feeling to be part of different society. I wanted to have the expertise or the skill to mingle around the locals and work with them so that I can learn good things from them and practice it.

But, here I am. I am third year student now. I dont have any club that I actively be part of. But when this comes to my mind, I started to actually question myself;

What do you want actually, Bella?
Is this just the feeling of you want something and then when you felt it, you just "Oh, that's it. It's nothing actually." I just dont know. Back in my mind I was so inspired with people like Yuna and Shila Amzah who proved to me that actually you're a muslimah and you actually can go far and achieve what you want.

But that just make me want to question of "What do you want to achieve actually?"

This inner self sometime really want to see myself with the locals speaking to them, working with them. I even thought of working as a fresh graduate here in Auckland but somehow people around me show you can tend to be carried away by your Dunya when you're working here.

Back to the main questions, "Why do you want to have the skills to work with them? You're not even practice it in when you come back to your place"

I think Allah has given me the answer.

First, you answer this question: "What do you want to achieve?"

and then you can push yourself out of the comfort zone in context of achieving what you want. Get involved in society or clubs and working with them, that is not the only cool way to make you feel as a you-are-one-tough-girl. Or maybe you just wanna do that because people say it, because videos show that it's cool to be part of the clubs and stuffs.

I'm not saying that being active and engaging with society is a bad thing that you're actually influenced by media and stuff but I just want to make things clear of actually what actually are you thinking.

To speak about this, I realised I havent settled with my single life yet. I have to find myself first. I know Allah is the only one who has the answer. and I think I've already know the answer.

Actually I've already engaged in what I called as my route to Jannah. What I want. It's actually the coolest people's road. The prophet did that and his companions too. They get what they want - the eternal peace. So, bella, your target is not this Dunya. Your target is Akhirat.

What do you want?

I wanna be the coolest daie ever!
that never give up with all the challenges
that clearly settled of what my fikrah is
not a typical daie
I am way too cool to be a typical daie
I wanna be like one of the Sahabahs but I havent found one.
The coolest daie ever that can confront anything just to spread Islam to the World.
I have my own definition of being cool.
and I think I know what to do.

Alhamdulillah.

BedahBuku#1

In Ma3alim fitthoriq by Sayyid Qutb,

The secrets of the sahabahs on their success - taghyir - how they managed to bring Islam from ghuraba' to the Ustaziatul 'alam;

- they learn the knowledge not because they wanna correct the knowledge
- they left their jahiliyyah days with no regrets and focusing on them as a muslim. No missing feeling towards all the jahiliyyah stuff that they used to love doing
-they prepared for the AlQuran commands just like how the soldier prepared to hear from their chief commandent..ahlul ribath all the way!

From : Untukmu Kader Dakwah by Rahmat Abdullah

tabik.spring.to.these.people.

Assalamualaikum wbt

I get really impressed with the Sahabahs while watching this video. Seriously, these people are just so great that they are just normal people with great personality!

This video potreys Bilal ibn Rabah as UNBREAKABLE. Whatever situation that Umayyah ibn Khalaf put him into, he survived. He got tortured by his master, he got spitted, he got humiliated and he was being dragged all over the place with a dog collar on his neck. Even Umayyah himself tired not knowing what else he has to do to make Bilal giver up his faith.

This reflects me a lot upon us, upon me especially. Like how breakable we are, how unfit we are as a daie and murabbi. We feel so tired and fatigue just after we settled a few things. Almukminu qawiy khairu minal mukminu dha'if. That unbreakable part really lacks in ourselves. You got so tired quickly that you can actually done a few things in a long time. How inefficient we are, right? That tiredness makes us so easily stressful and being emotional. This happens to me many times and it just seems so sad that actually we can settle many things in one day but due to our fitness, things have to be hold on and hanging unsettled. You know Jahilyyah moves so fast, but us, so slow that answers why is it we still did not see the light in the end of the dark tunnel.

T_T

Okay, back to the story of Bilal. Actually Abu Bakr set Bilal free after he knew that Umayyah asked many servants to lift up a massive big stone and put it on Bilal's chest. I don't know if you can imagine but it's like the most climax of the torture that Bilal received. Abu Bakr paid Bilal with a high price and (bad) people in Makkah said that Abu Bakr paid with that amount of money just because he wanted to show off to people how rich he was. You can check out the story in the video. The most amazing part and the best part is when Allah sent down an ayat to back up what Abu Bakr did.

"But (he gave his wealth in charity) only to seek the Countenance of his Lord, the Most High." 92:20

Seriously, Allah defends Abu Bakr by revealing it on the best book ever that is read by people all around the World and all the time. This is Allah who defends him not any John who live next door, you get me? Such an amazing person Abu Bakr is. He must be something more special than us to Allah. It just got me thinking actually who are we in the eyes of Allah? *sobs*

Alright then. That's all I want to share with you guys, my reader. Take care. Next week's a new semester for this year and me as a third year student. May Allah ease all of you. Jazakumullahu khayr for reading. 

Summer.2013.

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah..masih lagi punya waktu kesempatan untuk menulis. Alhamdulillah Allah masih lagi memberi peluang kepada hambaNya yang sorang ni, yang banyak mujahadahnya, yang selalu futur tapi kena kuat semangat bangun balik, untuk berusaha menulis untuk manfaat manusia. Sangat terkesan dengan cara ustazah Fatimah Syarha tentang penulisan. Katanya, moga dengan tulisannya, dapat menyentuh satu hati atau banyak lagi hati. MasyaAllah! Menulis untuk bermanfaat kepada manusia. Itu aku baru belajar kot. Tape, belajar. 

Aku sekarang masih dalam musim panas di Auckland. Kalau tahun lepas, musim panas aku habiskan sepenuhnya di Malaysia tapi kali ini, musim panas aku habiskan separuhnya di Auckland. Summer School kat sini. Mohon doa semua moga Allah permudahkan study aku kali ini. Harapnya inilah tahun akhir degree aku (no more fail subject da..aminn). 

2014 kali ini aku punya azam dan cita-cita yang tinggi. Summer kali ini aku banyak berfikir tentang masa depan aku. Moga aku dapat lalui 2014 ini dengan iman di dada. Aku yakin Allah akan memberikan tarbiyah yang hebat kepada aku macam tahun lepas cuma sejauh mana aku betul-betul bersedia untuk menempuh pengembaraan tahun ini pulak. 

Okay..mukadimah kemain panjang...haha. Almaklumlah dah lama tak menulis. Lepas gian la katakan. Ohoi~

Back to the main point sebenarnya, aku nak cerita apa yang aku belajar balik summer di Malaysia. Alhamdulillah Allah beri aku peluang banyak full barokah untuk aku mengeratkan hati aku dengan family. Alhamdulillah rasa manis sangat sampai kat Auckland pon homesick lagi...huhu. 

Aku sangat hargai apa yang ayah aku bagitau kat aku waktu aku jalan-jalan dengan family. Waktu tu, dalam kereta nak pergi utara kot. Ayah aku kata; 

"Kebenaran itu harus ditegakkan."

Biarlah apa yang berlaku kebenaran itu harus ditegakkan. Jangan kita menjadi seperti sesetengah orang hanya tahu angguk dan geleng-geleng taat setia taqlid buta. Fikir dan fikir apa ia betul atau tidak. Kalau benar, maka iyakan. Kalau salah, maka tegakkan kebenarannya. (Bila tulis ini teringat satu lagi hiphop angguk geleng tu..waktu zaman jahiliyah dok dengaq lagu tu kat radio. Maybe penulis lirik tu pon nak tegakkan kebenaran). 

Sebelum ini, aku banyak dah dengar pasal kebenaran atau AlHaq. Dengar dalam Manusia & Kebenaran (karya Syeikh Al-Qardhawi), dengar dalam Muqadimah Tafsir Fi Zilal (karya Syed Qutb) dan waktu itu aku faham kebenaran itu adalah Allah dan Islam. Betul je takde salah pun. Itulah kebenaran. Bila summer kali ini, aku dengar sendiri apa yang masyarakat di sekeliling aku cakap, (iyalah dah lama tak balik malaysia) makna kebenaran atau alHaq itu semakin luas. Islam itu sendiri luas maknanya. Mana tak luaskan, Islam itu sendiri hidup kita. 

Ayah aku kata, kita ini kena tegakkan kebenaran. Jangan pakai ikut apa orang kata. Kak S pernah cakap, bila kita dapat sesuatu, fikir jangan ikut saja. Tanya kenapa. Kita kan generasi Y..so tanya banyak kali, "Why? Why? Why?"

Okay, lawak hambar. Biasalah lawak Al-Akh katakan..ecehhh (benda ini baru belajar bila selalu sgt baca post mantap diorang..hehe)

Baiklah, apa yang aku nak cakap eh? Cubalah relate dengan kehidupan kita. Kita akan diuji, mungkin bila dah kerja, boss kita suruh buat benda yang salah, jadi kita kena tegakkan alHaq. Hatta, kalau kita nampak pakcik lari dengan anak dia kejar bas, kita buat dont know sambil tengok diorang lari padahal kita boleh je berhentikan bas hanya dengan mengangkat punggung kita dan memberi signal pada driver bas, kita kena tegakkan dengan menolong pakcik itu dan anaknya. (benda ini pernah berlaku pada aku..sumpah rasa bersalah sampai sekarang..T_T) 

Pointnya harap dapat. Kebenaran itu perlu ditegakkan. Dari seremeh-remeh benda hingga sebesar-besar hal seperti Allah dan Islam. 

Aku menulis untuk mengingatkan diri aku dan kita bersama. Moga bermanfaat di akhirat kelak. Itu je kot. Tahniah buat anda yang berjaya membaca tulisan merepeks tahap dewa aku ini. 

to.find.the.answers.

Assalamualaikum wbt 

Aku ingat lagi waktu aku nak fly ke NZ, aku datang dengan seribu harapan untuk dakwah & tarbiyah. Disebabkan waktu aku kat kmb, aku tak dapat nak all out, tak dapat pergi banyak daurah, tak dapat ikut jaulah. Aku tahu bila aku fly ke NZ, mak ayah aku dah tak dapat nak update aku selalu. Jadi, aku gunakan keberadaan aku di NZ dengan sebaiknya. 

Habis semua benda aku pergi. Lepas gian katakan..eksaited sangat dengan dakwah & tarbiyah di NZ. 

Sampai la sekarang ini, makin banyak benda aku encounter, makin banyak benda aku fikir, makin aku tak jumpa jawapan. Kusut otak aku. 

Memang best duduk dengan akhawat, itu semua support system kita. Mana boleh tinggal! Tapi lama-kelamaan aku perasan yang aku ini kurang untuk orang selain akhawat untuk bercakap dengan aku. Be it malay students yang kurang berminat utk usrah atau mat/minah saleh kat kelas atau lab. Kalau aku seorang je yang bertudung kat dalam kelas tu, memang takla diorang nak duduk sebelah aku kalau ada orang lain yang lebih diorang prefer. 

Aku tahu ada je akhawat yang tak kesah pasal benda ini asal dakwah & tarbiyah berjalan lancar tapi kalau kita tak build skill mendekati orang-orang sekeliling dari sekarang, macamana tu? Plus, orang yang tak hardcore dakwah & tarbiyah boleh mendekati semua jenis orang termasuklah orang dakwah & tarbiyah. Acane tu? 

Aku start fikir teruknya aku sebagai daie.

Sekarang ini aku dah kembali ke alam realiti berbanding alam fantasi dakwah & tarbiyah di NZ. Aku mula fikir tentang hidup aku lepas habis degree nanti. Aku nak kerja apa? Macamana pulak dengan dakwah & tarbiyah aku? Dapat ke mak ayah aku terima yang aku ini buat dakwah bila tengok pekerjaan aku yang tak seberapa. Entahlah, aku tengok ramai senior-senior yang takde kerja. Sampai sekarang aku belum jumpa lagi kakak yang pekerjaan dia membuatkan orang hormat dakwah & tarbiyah dia selain drpd kakak doktor. Eh faham ke? So far, untuk pekerjaan yang kena interview dan bukannya dah secured seperti doktor dan guru, aku tak jumpa lagi akhawat yang kerja dia boleh cakap tanpa perlu menyembunyikan sesuatu. Jangan salah faham. Aku sangat tabik spring kepada kakak2 yang sanggup mengorbankan kerja dia dengan bekerja pekerjaan yang orang takde degree/master macam dia boleh ambil demi dakwah & tarbiyah. 

Mak aku dah start dok tanya aku kerja apa nanti..adoi ma. Along paper pon kena repeat mana la nak konfiden bila orang tanya "Tahun ini final sem la kan?". Study ini pon salah satu cabaran yang sangat mencabar yang Allah berikan pada aku. Tapi bila fikir balik tahun 2014 ini, makin mencabar tahap lebih mencabar. Duit dah surut dah..wa tak tau nak cakap camna. Bila duit takde memang menggangu jugaklah mood tu. Rumah pulak makin besar tanggungjawab. Macam-macam. 

Okay back balik to kerja kan..aku nak kerja apa yang aku enjoy buat. Aku tak nak aku kerja sekadar kerja. Sengsara hati. Aku ada satu impian ini. Aku nak pekerjaan atau sedikit ilmu dan kemahiran yang aku dapat sepanjang hidup dalam biologi ini dapat menyumbang sesuatu untuk ummah. Takpe bab ini, korang takyah fikir. Aku dah fikir dah nak buat ape, cuma tak research lagi je. But still, aku tak rasa mak aku bagi aku kerja ini. Heee. 

Bila fikir pasal dakwah & tarbiyah, kusut otak aku. 

Bila fikir pasal rumah, kusut otak aku.

Bila fikir pasal future, kusut otak aku. 

Bila fikir pasal study, kusut otak aku. 

Kenapa aku tengok orang lain boleh menempuh hidup dia dengan penuh positif & cemerlang? Be it kakak usrah atau tak, diorang berjaya dalam study diorang. Diorang boleh mingle around dengan orang-orang sekeliling diorang. Kenapa aku payah? 

Aku tak tahu ada lagi ke tak orang baca. Kalau takde, aku lebih berbesar hati sebab aku boleh tulis banyak lagi. Aku dalam state mencari jawapan.