Birthday.2022.

 Salam, 

I actually forgot to do this and just now I was reminded by accident of this thing so let's write it out! (I hope I don't forget it next year!)

1. What is your age now?

I am now 31 years old. Alhamdulillah! 

2. Describe yourself now? 

Alhamdulillah I am in my first year of marriage. I am so grateful and blessed to be given the chance to build a life together with my zauj (pasangan/husband). I am about to finish my working with NexAMS and still waiting for my master's paper to be accepted (it literally at the finalA stage now!) I also have received a great news yesterday alhamdulillah but still waiting for my love to grow well. Whatever happens, I love you, my dear! 

I could say I am actually at the time of my life alhamdulillah :) 

I currently live in rumah warden cause my zauj is a teacher and a warden as well. I work from home and will go to UM if needed. 

3. How do you find yourself now?

Alhamdulillah I find myself happy and comfortable but I am also feel worried of myself cause my amalan was not really good, especially my qiamullail. I hope I will get it improve as time goes by. I am still putting my effort to upgrade my hafazan and I haven't started my Arabic learning yet. Huuu. 

Overall, things are good now alhamdulillah. 

4. What is one thing that you really learn now?

I'd say do not let yourself invest in something that do not give you benefit especially in engaging things that make you feel stressful. 

Another thing, this is my first time feeling so hard and mujahadah to go out from house to go for dnt things i.e. usrah, program etc. Very very challenging!

5. State your current words that you always say now?

Abang. Sayang mintak maaf and terima kasih for everything. 

6. Any advice for past Bella?

You did well, Bella. Alhamdulillah your patience and mujahadah pay you off! <3

7. What do you want to tell future Bella?

I hope in whatever situation that you will find yourself in, stay with Allah. Hold on to Him. 

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I think that's all. Thank you!

Birthday.2021.

Assalamualaikum wbt. Now it's almost 1am in the morning. I've just finished usrah at 12am plus and then replied some chats on my whatsapp and telegram and now here we go! I have lofi music playing in the background and ready to write some questions to reflect on my life journey so far. 

Let's go! 

 1. What is your age now?

This year is pretty much special cause I'm entering my 3 series now! OMG never thought that I witness a 30-year old bella but alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal, Allah is still giving me His blessings to live up to this age and may Allah keep on giving His blessings and love to me so that I can always work hard just to seek for His redha. 

2. Describe yourself now? 

I'm doing good now. I'm enjoying my WFH status and I love it! I really love to work from home cause I can do so many things at the same time with my own time and my own space. No traffic jem, no wasted time on travel, save money. Alhamdulillah. 

I'm currently preparing for my Masters viva. Still waiting for the date and I have pretty much finished reading my thesis which I saw there are so many mistakes. Huhu. I just hope that I could pass my viva and submit my correction asap and graduate. I pray hard to Allah for giving me pass my masters with flying colours. Aminn ya rabb. 

3. How do you find yourself now?

 

I find myself as a confident and strong lady. I am still single and not available (?) I don't know, it's still not that certain. I put all this situation to Allah. If Allah allows me to end my single life with the best life partner dunia akhirat, Alhamdulillah I am so grateful with this blessing. If Allah wants me to be single for my whole life in this Dunya, I accept it with redha in my heart insyaAllah. I am praying to Allah to put me in the best situation which takes me closer to Him and on the right path. Whatever situation is, I just want to be on this straight path towards Him. As long as I have Allah, then I am happy. That's it. 

I feel like I have begin to enter the acceptance phase with my life situation. I am happy and grateful to have my family with me, I have my akhawat with me and I am still on my dnt journey. Alhamdulillah! That's so much blessings in my life now.  

4. What is one thing that you really learn now?

I think I learn to help myself to see more of my blessings in my life than to see whatever that I lack in my life. Don't get me wrong, I still feel I am lesser when I saw my friends' posts/stories of their new house, marriage life, new family, new baby etc. Those things still get me but it does not affect me so much compared to years before this. 

With this balance of my lifetime, especially as a single lady, I really want to make the most out of it for what I love to do -  serving my family and of course, my DNT! I want to use this time that I have to improve myself - for a better Bella with a strong mindset, strong physical, strong iman, strong patience, beautiful akhlak, improved hafazan and arabic. Phewww~ There are so many things to achieve, aye! 

5. State your current words that you always say now?

I think my current words that I always say now is my doa. This year of Ramadhan, I really learn about making doa to Allah. Everyday, I try to make my doa as sincere as I can to Allah. And the doa is just the same; I will start with complimenting Allah, say Asmaul Husna that are suitable to my doa later like al-mujib, al-ghafur, al-afuww, al-fatah, al-'aleem, ar-rahman, ar-raheem. Then I will send salam to Rasulullah, His beloved prophet and continue with stating my weaknesses and my lacking as His servant. I state my sins and my wrongdoings with a feeling of regret and sadness as much as I can. 

Then I will making my way with my doa; my hope and wish only to Allah cause He is my God; who can grant all my doa and make these happen. He knows what the best for me and He will surely let only good things happen to me, be it something that I look for or not. My pray is for my parents, siblings, family, akhawat, anak usrah, teachers, all muslimin, my future life partner and my future generation, my rezeki and job opportunity, my Jannatul Firdaus and many more. 

May Allah makes my heart, my iman and my patience strong to go on this hardship phase of life. 

6. Any advice for past Bella? 

Hey sad Bella, be strong okay. This will get better soon insyaAllah. Those people surround you love and care about you. Your family, especially Mama, really the best person you have, to go through this life journey. She always care and love you and hope for the best for you. And your akhawat too, they really taught you about life as a servant and as a daie that you should be. Without them, I don't know what will happen to you. 

Things will get better soon biiznillah! 

7. What do you want to tell future Bella?

Dear future Bella, I hope you'll become much better version of me right now. I want you to know that whatever it is, just hold on to your faith, hold on to Allah and qiamullail, be with Allah is the most precious moment of your lifetime! It's what makes you going on now! 

Okay, I think that's it. I really love you, Bella. I just hope the best for you! May Allah grants us the Highest Jannah and the status of as-Syahidah. Amin ya rabb! 

Till then, bye! <3

Thoughts.while.watching.the.first.30.minutes.of.Tenggelamnya.Kapal.van.der.Wijck

Assalamualaikum, 

I just come here to drop by my thoughts after finished watching the first 30 minutes of a movie which is a writing piece of Buya Hamka, Tenggelamnya Kapal van der Wijck. I actually do not really prefer to watch love story but I don't know why somehow I decided to watch it today as a gift to myself after I have spent my day doing my writing session for masters. 

So here's what I feel and want to write; 

The scene that got me really mad is when the Ninik Mamak, a group of selected important and respected men in their big family or their suku/tribe, held a meeting to discuss on the matter of Hayati and her marriage proposals. So two marriage proposals came to Hayati. The first one is from Aziz, a modern westernised guy with crystal clear of full-blood Minang lineage who happen to like Hayati due to her beauty seen by him when she came to his house during the horse racing event (she happened to be a friend of his sister, Khadijah who offered Hayati to stay at her house during the event. Hayati came to Padang Panjang with the intention to meet Zainuddin, his true love, at the racing event cause they are separated at distant due to her Ninik Mamak dislike of Zainuddin’s mix-blood lineage) and the second one is Zainuddin, a kind-hearted, islamic and decent guy who loves Hayati wholeheartedly, fell in love with her when he came to Hayati’s hometown to learn about Islam but got discriminated by all the village people who are Minangkabau descendants due to his non-full or partially Minangkabau.

I got really mad listening to these respected dominant male members who felt that they did a really good and important job of discussing what’s the best for their tribe members by upholding their value towards their adat really high that actually lowering down their priority for religion. They care too much about one’s bloodline that they could decide the best person is to get married with Hayati is the westernised, unislamic Aziz over this decent and faithful Zainuddin. They also seen to be not really cared about Hayati’s wellbeing and opinion as they only wants Hayati to follow their dictatorial decision. They did ask Hayati of what she felt after they came out with their decision. Hayati could only cry listening to it and at the same time, they furthered their question to Hayati to reveal of what she thinks about the decision. Since Hayati could only cry and did not utter any word, they kept on pushing Hayati to speak so that they could only leave the place of meeting and have dinner. They asked her not to get her consent but only to fulfil the ritual/procedure for asking. Just to follow the protocol/adat. They do not really care about Hayati’s feeling. They only care about their pride, ego and ‘face value’ cause they cannot stand of people mocking them for having an imperfect-lineage member in their family. Their heritage is somehow stained or distorted if that happens. I mean, come on, if they really cared about Hayati, just by seeing her crying, you could easily understand that she does not want to get married to Aziz. 

One more interesting scene is when they (the Ninik Mamak) were having ‘the discussion’, a young member of the meeting members voiced out his opinion that it is not a good practice to lower down people just because of his lineage status. However, he was severely objected with a high rise voice by the leader tribe who happened to be Hayati’s father that this young guy do not know what he is talking about and it is a wrong statement. He, the leader, knows much better than the young guy. Shouted by the elder member, the young guy straightly shut off his mouth. So, we can see here of how arrogant and egoistic are the elder alpha members of the family/tribe. They do not listen to their young members’ view. They do not spare any thought on listening to the young generation.