Tuesday 12 February 2013

.rambling.

Assalamualaikum...

lagi 8 hari.

aku sorang-sorang kat rumah. yang lain pergi mines tgk wayang. failed di situ.

lagi 8 hari.

jujurnya, aku tak cover bahan lagi.
apa nak jadi dengan kau nih!
nak benda yang sama berulang lagi?!
nak failed paper lagi?!

ahhh!

aku trauma. trauma dengan study. memang perit rupanya bila kita failed. lagi perit bila aku sorang failed. aku cuba untuk bangkit kembali. tapi aku tak cukup berani untuk berhadapan dengan study. bukak laman sesawang uni pon, hati aku allergic.

orang nampak macam aku okey je bila cakap pasal study.
bila orang tanya, "eh, bukan 4 tahun ke?"

"oh tak, saya tukar course."

padahal, saya tak lepas nak buat course.

ini mungkin sebahagian pada hidup aku. aku dah jangka. hidup takkan seindah yang disangka. ape kau ingat kau tengok blogger-blogger yang famous amos bahagia sentiasa tak ada masalah ke? diorang pon ade la cuma tak tunjuk je.

diorang mungkin tak tunjuk kat online sebab diorang tunjuk kat real life. walhal, aku terbalik. kat online ni la aku nak tunjuk. senget.

baru ujian study, bella. belum ujian lain. orang lain lagi teruk ujiannya.

bila pikir macam tu, memang rasa macam tak patut untuk berdukacita dengan lamanya. tapi, kadang-kadang, rasa lagi loser bila pikir yang aku masalah kecik pon tak boleh nak move on. failed.

ya, ini masa susah aku. susah aku dengan study aku. susah aku dengan dnt aku. aku rasa masa susah ni sampai aku mati. sebab ujian itu akan datang bila kita masih menggunakan oksigen untuk bernafas.

aku nak betul-betul feel masa aku failed ni. untuk aku kenang bila aku berjaya nanti. mudah untuk aku cakap, bukan. apa nak jadi dengan aku. serius, aku pun tak tahu.

masing-masing pandang tinggi sebab aku belajar kat oversea. padahal diorang tak tahu yang aku pon tak tahu apa nak jadi dengan aku nanti.

cikgu bio. pensyarah. saintis. entah, aku pun tak pasti. sumpah tak best bila kita tak pasti.

Allah buat semua ni mungkin sebab aku ni orang yang jenis terpengaruh dengan pandangan orang lain. bagi aku betul-betul fokus sikit apa yang aku nak jadi sebenarnya.

mungkin seorang daie yang ade business sendiri. itu yang aku nampak.
business apa..itu tak pasti.

pernah aku bertanya kat siapa entah.

"buat business ni untung ke?"

orang tu jawab.

"kalau tak untung, takdenya orang nak buat business."

konkrit jawapan tu.

apa yang pasti, study itu aku kena kuasai. mungkin sekarang aku jatuh dalam study. tapi, aku akan pastikan aku berjaya dalam study. menyediakan alat yang terhebat untuk dnt!!

hafizah.
murabbiah paling mantap.
penghafal hadis yang superb.
muwajjih terhebat.

ya Allah, jauh sekali. tapi itu yang aku perlu jadi. mimpi aku yang paling penting, SYAHIDAH!

tengok balik diri aku sekarang ni, yang tengah menaip ni. ya Allah, jauh lagi! jauhhhhhh sangat! aku tak pasti dapat atau tidak untuk capai semua peranan ini.

maaf kerana aku ini manusia biasa. naik. turun balik. entah bila aku dapat jadi manusia hebat di mata Allah. entah bila..aku tak pasti.

jadi, buat masa sekarang ini, apa yang aku kena kuasai,

-peta
-bahan

itu je yang pasti sekarang ni. please bella, plan benda ni.

doakan hamba Allah ini. maaf aku tak dapat nak capai semua orang.

tinggal.8.hari.lagi.

Less than 8 days. Dah bersediakah aku? Arghhh...rasa macam loser sebab aku rasa macam tak cukup masa nak capai semua benda.

Ke aku terleka melayan entah hape-hape kat Malaysia ni!

Yup, aku tak sekuat mana, kawan! Tapi bila aku jatuh, aku try untuk bangkit balik macam Atom si G2 robot yang akan naik balik setiap kali kena knock down dengan Zeus.

Action, bella! Action!

"Dan aku harap kamu pun begitu. Berbekallah. Tanpa penat dan putus asa. Belajarlah sehingga otakmu penat dan mengantuk. Jangan tertidur tanpa ada buku disisimu atau kamu tidur bersama buku itu. Kerana waktu-waktu itu amat sukar didapati apabila tanggungjawap menghimpit kamu.

Aku mahu kamu menjadi lebih baik, dari kami semua di sini.." - MUHARIKAH
Aku = kamu.

Wednesday 6 February 2013

To.Bella.with.love

To : Bella with love

Let's get down to business, Bella
To bring Islam back to where it was during the glory days
I knew Allah sent us to achieve those days
We are the rijal of this path
But you can bet
It ain't be easy, lady

Bella,
You are tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
You are sure, going to win!

Bella,
let me tell you,
We are never gonna catch our breath,
say goodbye to our jahiliyah that had lewd us
and we were fool for not have it started before, this path.

Bella, from now on,
We must be swift as the coursing river
With all the force of a great typhoon
With all the strength of raging fire

Bella,
Time is racing towards us till we achieve ustaziyatul alam
Heed every Allah's order and we will survive
So let's put our knight armor with lafaz Bismillah and of course we will survive inshaAllah.



A poem by my ukht :) 
Last day of DC Summer 2012

Jazakillahu khair dear!


I googled for ustaziatul alam and this is what I found.  Creative, isn't it?! Btw, I didn't know World is a female..LOL :P
Source: GOOGLE




Tuesday 5 February 2013

self-discipline

Assalamualaikum..

I really feel like writing. Yes. So much. But I'm in the middle of self-disciplining myself. Basically, preparing myself for coming back to Auckland this 20th February 2013. Whoa..time flies so so so fast. I hope that is a good sign. People says if we feel the time is short, that is actually means that we are busy with something that we do not have time to check on the date everyday. Yeah but the question is what is the thing that keeps me busy to that extent? Yeah..you answer that, bella! 

I am trying to improve myself from time to time. But yes, sometimes I failed. I failed that I feel like what is wrong with you. You claimed you wanna be a part of this group of people who want everyone closer to Allah and yet you're not! Pfffttt! That was when I feel like I am not qualified to be a 'kakak' - you know what I mean. 

There's only 15 days left. Let me update you. I have so much things to be settled. My enrolment subjects which will be settled after I'm back in Auckland. I need to meet Prof Libby to solve this problem. I really am worries but I didn't tell anything about my study to my mother. I used to tell my mother everything about my study cause she would try to understand every single learning system in school and college. But alhamdulillah not in Auckland. In fact, I'm also cannot comprehend this Auckland Learning System by day. It's not the same as in Malaysia. I hope that I can have the English tounge to meet Prof Libby. You know, coming back from holiday in Malaysia for 3 months which almost everytime speaking in Malay, that's not good. 

I have to reach my Summer Target which is to finish one fikrah book at least by this summer and I'm not finish yet. T_T Really like to slap again and again and again to myself. Sort out timetable for study and life in Auckland cause Alhamdulillah now I know what am I lacking in my previous year is TIME MANAGEMENT and STUDY WITH MULTITASKER STYLE IS A BAD IDEA. I'm not going the bad things happen again in this year. NO WAY! 

What else..oo yes.. My mum and I will do some business together. Actually, it's a trial one and who wants their business to fail, right? We just started a few page and blogs. There are actually 3 projects by one store. Our business company named Nurfalah Store. Basically we want this to be succeed. Aminnn... *Say aminn too*. I'll be selling Muslimah accessories like Muslimah Shirts, Inner Tudung, Brooch, Skirts esp Jeans Skirt,  Tudung 50" & 60" or people like to say Bidang 50 & Bidang 60. All of these will be sold in Auckland. This is my part.

My mum's part, she will sell Muslimah Shirts insha Allah and it's not publicised yet. Still in progress. 

My little sister's part is selling secondhand books. My sister is really a book freak like she can finish 300++ pages in just 3 days. Please give me some of your super reading skill so that I can finish reading my books. So, she decides to sell her books. I am thinking to sell my good old books when I was in teenage years. Am I not a teenage now? I dont know. 

So yeah, you can check out the blog and the pages on Facebook. Please hop on! It would be my pleasure ^_^

FACEBOOK PAGES :

Projek Buku by Nurfalah Store
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Projek-Buku-by-Nurfalah-Store/572761656085612

Nurfalah Store (in construction)
http://www.facebook.com/NurfalahStore?ref=hl

BLOG:

http://projekbukunurfalahstore.blogspot.com/

So, that is it! Will update more insyaAllah :) Assalamualaikum.